Randomness (2015-2018)

Depression

Hey guys. It's me. It's me again. The worst writings in the world. xD

I know I suck at writing. But here's the deal here.
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Hey guys it's me again. So I need to let you know something. I have lost two friends and one of my friends died. Not I have also been depressed lately and I feel terrible now. I hate my life and I just want to die.

I hide it all with a smile on my face. This is really not my place. I can't really tell you if I fit in the so called human race and I just need to take my time and keep my pace.

So guys. I hate to admit this and I am crying as I am writing but I almost died last Monday. I hate o admit it but it's true. I took to many pills and it all blurred. My life flew by really fast. It was all on my phone and taking really long naps. Now I hate, yes I really do. I am such a jerk to most of you. I know you must all hate me, trust I would too. This is not my place anymore. I hate to say it.

But it's true.

Now all my friends you know I love you. All the ones who supported me to. You are all great and you must know that. I hate this world it's and awful place.

So if you are reading this, I maybe leaving. Not sure yet, at least I'm still breathing.

I don't know what to do, I have no clue.

I hate myself and this world around me.

You know if I loved you that I always will, I hope you think of me and always smile. I may keep in touch or I'll be one for awhile.
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Guys. I hate to admit it but it's all true. I can't believe what I did I messed it up for all of you. Now I am not saying I'm going to end my life, but I must have time to think. I love you all.

If you have any thing you want to say, comment away. I love you all.
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"Her Last Words" (aka: the video above^)
Just an average girl,
She always wore a smile
She was cheerful and happy for a short while.

Now she's older, things are getting colder
Life's not what she thought,
she wished someone had told her.

She told you she was down
And you let it slip by
So from then on she kept it on the inside

She told herself she was alright
But she was telling white lies
Can't you tell, look at her dull eyes

Tried to stop herself from crying almost every night
But she knew there was no chance of feeling alright

Summer came by, all she wore was long sleeves
'Cause those cuts on her wrist were bleeding through you see

She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it
Didn't think she fit in, everyone seemed to miss it

She carried on like a soldier with a battle wound,
Bleeding out from every cut her body consumed

She had no friends at school, all alone she sat
And if someone were to notice she would blame the cat

But those cuts on her wrist they were no mistake,
But no one cared enough to save her from this self hate

Things were going down never really up,
And here she is now stuck in this stupid rut

She knew exactly what she had to do next,
Just stand on the chair and tie the rope around her neck

She wrote a letter with her hands shaking wild,
"Look at me now are you proud of your precious child?"

But she knew that her parents weren't the ones to blame,
It was the world that should bow down it's head in shame

She stood up on the chair and looked out at the moon,
Just don't think it'll all be over soon

The chair fell down as she took her final breath,
It's all over all gone, now she's greeting death

Her mum walks in, she falls down to the floor,
And now nothing can take back what she just saw

The little girl that she raised is just hanging there,
Her body's pale and her face is violently bare,
She sees the note and unfolds it with care,
All she does is stare, "How can this be fair?"

She starts reading as the tears roll down her face,

"I'm sorry Mum, but this world is just not my place,
I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in,
I've come to realise this world's full of sin,
There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space,
I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race,
It's a disgrace, I was misplaced,
Born in the wrong time and in the wrong place,
It's ok though, 'cause you'll see me soon,
You'll know when your time has come, just look at the moon,
As it shines bright, throughout the night,
And remember everyone's facing their own fights,
But i can't deal with this pain, I'm not a fighter,
You'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter
So let the world know that I died in vain,
Because the world around me is the one to blame,
And I know in a year you'll forget I'm gone,
'Cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on,
That's what they used to tell me, all those kids at school,
So I'm going by the law majority rules,
My presence on this earth is not needed any longer,
And if anything I hope this makes you stronger,
You're the best friend that I ever had,
Such a shame I had to make you so very sad,
Just remember that you meant everything to me,
And to my heart, you're the only one that held the key,
Now it's time to go I'm running out of space to write,
And yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight
I'm watching over you from the clouds above,
And sending down the purest and whitest dove,
To watch over you and be my helpful eye,
So this is it world...

Goodbye!"

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I know you all must think I'm being stupid. I guessing you all don't even really care. Well I know some people who would care if they saw this.

Muke_OneDirection
paige13x
The_winter_woods
StUnT80y
Love_Flower_Crowns

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So if you really care, do me one favor, vote, and comment to make it better.

If you care do all you can to help me.

If you don't care- comment anything and ignore this.

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-outxcastxcarxcrash