If Fire Caught

Chapter 32: Katniss

"I still can't believe he relapsed," Prim says as I sit beside her, getting ready for my trip to the Capitol.

"Me either," I say. "I was warned it could happen, but he was doing so well. He hadn't had any sort of attack in a week. But then it hit and when it was over, he wasn't my Peeta anymore."

"So now you have to leave?" she says.

"Yes," I say."I can't even get to say goodbye. He's on permanent lockdown until further notice. No visitors." I hand her an envelope. "If I don't come back and they allow him visitors, give this to him. It's a letter and a picture of River, so he'll have something I always meant to give him." I kiss her forehead.

"I love you Katniss," she says.

"I love you too Little Duck," I reply before I turn and leave. I walk to the hanger and am met with the rest of the people in squad 451, the special sharp shooter squad they put me in to make it look like I was actually fighting in the war even though they aren't letting me engage in direct combat. Can't risk killing their Mockingjay.

Gale walks up to me and I hang my head.

"I heard about Peeta," he says. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I could believe you," I say. "But I know how you feel about me and I also know that Peeta has never been your favorite person. So I can't help but wonder wether you hoped this would happen."

"Katniss," he pleads as I walk past him, not looking back as I'm handed my Mockingjay bow and quiver of special arrows. I walk onto the hover craft and sit down next to Finnick. He smiles at me and I just shake my head.

"What are you so cheerful about?" I ask him. "You do remember we are going to the Capitol right?"

"I can't help but smile right now," he says. "Annie just told me I'm going to be a father." I look at him with a sad smile.

"I wish I could be happy for you," I say. "But right now, I don't even feel like living anymore. My son is dead and my husband is insane. I just don't feel anything anymore."

"I know," he says laying a hand on my shoulder. "But you have to believe that he will get better and that you'll be together again."

"I've lost hope," I say. "There's nothing left for me. He was better, but I guess I was just foolish to think he'd stay that way."

"Which is why we need to take down the Capitol," he says. "The ones that did this, they must have a way to reverse it. You need to believe you are fighting to save him because that is exactly what you're doing." I nod and watch silently as the rest of the crew board the craft and we start off to the Capitol.

When we get there, the Capitol too is in the same disrepair as the Districts. We walk carefully through the streets, looking out for unexploded pods and booby traps. But we aren't careful enough.

Within the first night, one of the twin girls that traveled with us, nicknamed Leeg 1&2, stepped on a land mine and was killed. The next morning, we lose one of the guards hired to keep the direct combat off us when he steps on a paving stone that triggers an array of poison darts. Jackson, formerly one of Peeta's guard and the second in command on our mission turns to our commander, who I'm happy to say was Boggs and speaks her concerns.

"Two soldiers in less than two days," she says. "They're dropping like flies."

"They were too green to be sent out into combat, even if we aren't on the front line," he replies.

"But we are barely a formidable squad," she says. "What if we do end up in real combat?"

"We are supposed to be receiving reinforcement by sundown," he replies. "We will camp here until then." We all nod and begin to set up our tents and they have me start a fire since I can get it done the most effectively. After its started, Jackson and Leeg start cooking some of our ration and I go to sit down next to Finnick.

"Who do you think they'll send?" I ask.

"I don't know," he says. "Maybe Johanna, if she's feeling up to it."

"I kind of doubt that," I say. "Not after her flashback during our initiation tests. She can't get wet. Which means we have no idea what she'd do should it rain or if someone sets off a flood pod."

"She's like you though Kat?" he says.

"Oh yeah?" I ask. "How's that?"

"She's tougher than she looks," he says.

"I'm not that tough," I say.

"I watched your first games in great detail and was your ally in the second," he says. "Trust me. You are a lot stronger than you let on. Not to mention the second time you were in the arena, you were pregnant." I look down when he mentions that. That's something I'm still not over. The fact that just days after that time in the arena, my son died from the stress my body was put through.

"Maybe I just try to put on a tough face," I say. "Because what Peeta said last night is true. A Mockingjay is useless without her wings just like I'm useless to this who rebellion without his voice."

"Katniss, you know you can't take what he says right now seriously," he says. "Its not your Peeta running the show anymore. It's Snow's mutt at the wheel." Just then Gale walks up.

"The reinforcement just arrived," he says solemnly. I get up with Finnick and follow him. I'm shocked by who I see in front of me.

Our replacement glares at me, but makes no move. He just stands there with a standard issue rifle in his hands. No manacles. No guards. Everyone looks at each other. There is shock and confusion written on all their faces. But the fresh marking of 451 on the back of his hand is unmistakable and Boggs excuses himself to make a call.

"It doesn't matter," Peeta says, not taking his eyes off me. "The president assigned me herself. She thought since you guys were making propos, you should heat them up a little.

Maybe they do. But Coin's decision to send Peeta here also confirms something to me. She no longer needs a Mockingjay. She needs a martyr. I'm more use to her dead than alive. Maybe she thought I'd have been killed by a pod by now. But she lost patience.

One thing is for certain. She wants me dead. And she sent my husband to finish the job he started.