Good girl with bad habits (Harry Styles)

Chapter 8.

She was torn apart. It’s been a week since she has left her apartment. Harry triggered some old memories and wounds in her. Wounds she has kept deep inside trying to forget about them because she didn’t know how to deal with them. She didn’t know how to fix herself.

Confusion was going through her head. She disliked him, but she liked him. She wanted to kick his ass, yet she wanted to kiss him. Her heart was telling her one thing, but her mind was telling her something else.

She listened to her heart once and she was left broken and scarred for life. She was afraid to let anyone close. She was afraid to love.

All she knew about was pain, sadness and bad company. She thought that was what she deserved for ruining not only her, but many other lives.

Her story was complicated. It was not something people would not enjoy listening to.

It was bad. It was scary. It was a story that would make you run away from her. But she preferred not to let people in at all. It was less painful for her.

She is one of those people who get attached way too easily. And one of those people who have problem letting go.

When she loves, she loves with her entire being. She loves with her heart, body and soul. She gives it all. Well...she used to.

Not anymore.

Her heart has no place for love anymore. No place for sympathy. No place for joy or happiness. Her heart was overtaken by darkness. By darkness she was dragged into and didn’t even try to fight it.

Her bed and cigarettes have been her best friend for the last couple of days. She didn’t want alcohol. She wanted to feel every single emotion she was going through. She wanted to feel pain. She wanted to feel anger. She wanted to feel her heart breaking.

Somewhere deep inside she wanted to change. She wanted to love and be loved. To have friends and family. To smile. To blush.

She wanted her heart to flutter when she sees the man she loves. She wanted to see smile on the face of people who are happy to see her. But that will never happen. She was in too deep for that to ever happen again.

She’s made too many mistakes in her life for anything good to happen to her.

One thought kept going through her mind all the time. What if she was gone? No one would notice. If she could only disappear, everything would be much simpler.

She was a coward. She was afraid of taking her own life even though she hated it so much. If only there was a painless way of going away. Then the bell in her head ringed. She knew exactly what to do.

Today was going to be the day she disappears. Today was going to be the day she will finally be happy.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

She made herself a bubble bath. It was relaxing and smelled divine. The smell of lemon and lavender filled her senses. It’s been a while since she felt this good.

After the relaxing bath she painted her nails navy blue, a colour she always loved. Her body was soft from the body cream she used and her hair was nicely curled.

She has put simple make up on her face. Not the usual face she puts on. This time she was her old self. Big brown eyes scanned the light make up, peachy lip gloss. The fruity perfume on her body filled the room.