I doubt anyone even noticed when it began.
Perhaps they did.
There may have been indications—tiny ones. Indications that people just overlooked since they did not seem like something worth paying attention to. That little bit of laughter. The extra moment of hesitation before responding. The smile that did not quite reach my eyes.
But even if they noticed...
They said nothing.
Nor did I.
Because how can one explain something they themselves do not understand?
The mornings were always the most difficult.
Not because there were too many things for me to do that day, but because I had to be myself again.
There is a particular kind of fatigue that sleep will not cure. It exists the second your eyes open. Weighty. Known. Unwanted.
I lay staring at the ceiling, still and unmoving.
For just one second, all was silent.
Then...
"You're already tired? "
Chaos.
It was always the same way. Quiet. Nearly peaceful.
As if the voice spoke without wanting to hurt me—or help me.
"But you haven't even done anything yet."
I tried to close my eyes once more, hoping that maybe... just maybe... I could sleep and run away from it all.
But I couldn't.
I never could.
"Lia?"
Kiyo's voice reached my ears from across the room.
I twisted my head a little, making my body move, forcing myself to relax into the appearance of someone who looked and acted normal. Someone believable.
"Hmm? " I said, in almost too small a voice to be heard.
"You alright? "
That was it.
That question.
Simple. Unassuming. Deadly.
Because the truth wasn't simple.
The truth was fatiguing.
The truth was something beyond my complete understanding.
So I did what I always do.
Not the truth, but easy enough to say.
He nodded as if that was sufficient. As if my response were the end of the conversation, wrapping it up perfectly so it wouldn't need to be unwrapped later.
Maybe that's what we both wanted.
If I said anything...
the truth...
What could he even say?
The quiet was broken by the soft sound of Hailey's voice.
"Mommy..."
This time I turned automatically, drawn from my mind. Standing there was Hailey, half asleep, her hair messy, her eyes gentle and seeking mine.
And in that instant...
Something within me changed.
Not permanently.
Just...quieter.
BINABASA MO ANG
A Quiet Chaos Inside Me
Non-FictionEverything was alright. At least... that's what everyone thought. But in reality, her mind was a battlefield only she could see. The Quiet Chaos Inside Me is a story about silent struggles-where pain doesn't always scream, and suffering hides behind...
