I Don't Love You [[GERARD WAY FANFIC]]

Sometimes Physical Pain Isnt Want Breaks You; Its What Inside.

-Gerard's POV- (back to when Lee called his cellphone)

I couldn't respond. I don't know who this fucker thought he was, doing shit like this, but I was furious. I clenched the fist that wasn't holding the cellphone, and I could feel my knuckles going white. Temper? This bastard didn't know the half of it.

"What's the matter Gerard? Does it make you angry to have someone you love taken from you, hmmm?"

The smugness in his voice made me want to put my fist through the wall; I wasn't used to being the person two steps behind. I knew Lee was alive, but I didn't think he could have rebuilt himself like this. I left him alive because I thought death would have been too merciful; I was about to figure out how wrong I had been. I gripped the cellphone tightly, trying not to completely lose it as I began to speak. "I don't know what you're talking about." I spoke slowly, trying to convince him and myself that the truth wasn't already out. Ray looked at me solemnly from the bed, Mikey passed out next to him. Frank was leaning against the wall, and he looked as royally pissed as I felt.

I heard Lee chuckle.

"Does it hurt? I mean Id be slightly hurt if one of the people I trusted fell in love with the same girl."

He was obviously enjoying himself at this point, and it took all my will power not to launch the phone at the wall again. I gripped the cellphone harder. I can't believe I'd shouted that I loved her. I'd given myself a weakness... But it couldn't matter if it wasn't true could it? I don't feel things... I can't feel things... But then why did I feel so fucking angry at Frank for saying that he loved her? I shut my eyes, trying to think.

I love her, don't I?

...

As someone that has never really loved anyone before, the thought of Anastasia being with Lee made me feel like I had been hit by a bus.

...

Shit...you love her...

...

I mean you said it right?

...

I breathe slowly out of my nose. "What do you want?" I spoke slowly, ignoring his comment and glancing at Frank. Lee just chuckled again at my response.

"What do I want? What do I want Gerard? Well, for starters, I'd like for my fucking brother to be alive! You took everything from me that night Gerard! Everything! You burned everything I had and killed anyone I trusted, and you're asking me what I want? It's not about what I want you bastard, it's about what I'm going to do!"

I could hear the anger and pain in his voice beginning to rise, but I didn't feel any remorse for what I'd done. That's just how this business works. Anastasia though... There was something inside me that was saying that I couldn't lose her... Not now... I don't truly know what I feel about her, but as much as I hate to admit it, there's something inside me that cares. I don't know what love is, but if there's anyone that ever made me even feel like I even had a heart, it was Anastasia Briar. I was too fucking terrified to really admit that to myself though. I'd never let myself get too close to anyone, even Mikey, Ray, and Frank, and the fact that I had actually said I loved her was driving me insane. I wasn't supposed to love. Someone like me, with all the things I've done, shouldn't be able to feel love.

But when I kissed her that second time,

When I felt her soft lips against mine as I held her face...

I had originally planned that move just to fuck with her and show her who was in control...

But when my lips touched hers for that second time...