coffee

part seven

Ryan can't sleep.

It's been a week, one long, torturous week without Brendon, and he can't sleep. He's stretched out across his bed in the same shirt he put on four days ago, and the beginnings of a beard making its way along his jaw.

"Ryan," Jon says, standing in the doorway of Ryan's bedroom, arms crossed over his chest. He watches Ryan with concerned eyes, and when the younger boy doesn't acknowledge him, Jon crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed. "Kiddo," he says, touching Ryan's shoulder. Ryan opens his eyes, and looks at Jon.

What Jon sees in his eyes scares him. He knows that look, he remembers that look. Ryan's default look from years ago, when Jon first met him. That same, strange hollowness had always been kept hidden behind Ryan's eyes, but it had never been brought out again, not until now.

"Ryan," Jon murmurs, brushing a strand of hair away from the boy's face.

"I miss him," Ryan whispers, his voice dry and cracked from lack of use. He looks at Jon with those broken eyes, and Jon remembers this. All of this. "What if they're hurting him, Jon?" Ryan says. "What if they're-"

"They wouldn't," Jon tells him.

"How do you know?" Ryan asks. "They kicked him out, why wouldn't they hit him? Jon, I'm just - I'm just scared for him. I lived this, I lived the abandonment, and I ended up looking for that affection wherever I could get it."

"I remember," Jon says. "I remember that one guy."

"Insomnia Guy," Ryan nods.

"Gave it to you."

"Gave me more than that," Ryan says. "Fucking bruises and shit."

"That guy was an asshole," says Jon.

"Needless to say, it's not one of my happier memories."

---

They crash through the front door, giggling drunkenly. Ryan doesn't even know the guy's name, he calls him Insomnia Guy. He doesn't really care much about names either, because Insomnia Guy is slipping cool fingers under his shirt, sliding it off over his head. Ryan gasps when his flesh meets the air, but Insomnia Guy is quick to make it better, dropping to his knees and laving his warm tongue over the exposed skin. Ryan stifles his moan, knowing that Jon is probably asleep down the hall, but when Insomnia Guy's hand dips into his jeans, wrapping around him, he cries out.

"Good?" Insomnia Guy smirks, in that awful, smug voice that Ryan hates.

"Shut up," Ryan replies breathlessly, pulling him up from his knees. Their mouths meet in a heated kiss, and Ryan tries to slow it down, make it less frenzied, but Insomnia Guy is already directing them to Ryan's room. "Wait," Ryan says, but Insomnia Guy ignores him, shoving him onto the bed.

"Quiet," Insomnia Guy tells him, crawling up onto the bed to straddle Ryan. He touches Ryan's cheek, smiling. "So pretty," he says. "Need to rough you up a bit."

"Stop," Ryan says, but the guy doesn't. He takes a fistful of Ryan's hair in his hand, and wrenches Ryan's head back, exposing the boy's neck. He latches his mouth onto the skin, creating his own marks there, making sure that people will know that this boy is his. "Stop!" Ryan cries. "No, no, no. I don't want this."

Insomnia Guy flips him over, holding his arms above his head at the wrist. He kisses down Ryan's back, and tugs down his jeans, revealing two, smooth pale globes of flesh. He grins to himself.

"Perfect," he tells Ryan. "Aren't you just the prettiest thing? Now comes the fun part." Ryan can hear him fumbling with his belt, ridding himself of his jeans.