Barking Mad (Sirius/OC)

Lying where they died

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It's been a while. I know. And I'm terribly ashamed. Thank you for your patience and your kind comments. I'll try to finish uploading this story asap! 

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Chapter 16

Did you see them lying were they died?

Someone used to cradle them

and kiss them when they cried

~ Turning - Les Misérables

The month November passed by quickly after that. The school settled down and fell back in its ordinary rhythm now that the Marauders were once again united. Lily and I started hanging out more often, even to the point that we'd go out of our ways to be able to make our homework together. Which might not look like such a drastic concession to a normal person, but it certainly made me feel overwhelmed.

I had never spent so much time with other people that my alone time became a rare thing. Because whenever Lily wasn't with me, Sirius was. I hadn't really hung out with the other Marauders much, except for during meals. I tried to spend some meals with Lily so she wouldn't feel that left out, but the constant thought process of making sure I was pleasing everyone was getting to me.

That was why I was hiding in the library one Sunday night. I had thirty minutes before it was to be closed and I hugged the book I was reading closer to my chest. I had taken a seat under a window, between racks and racks of books all the way in the back of the library. I was trying to figure out this whole new life I was suddenly leading and so far I wasn't making much progress.

It was really great that Sirius still wanted to hang out with me even though he had his friends back. I knew that he too was trying to divide his time between his friends and me.

Did he feel the same way I did? After all we hadn't really known each other that long, now had we? Oh, how often I had dreamed that Sirius would talk to me and treat me as a friend in the past years. And yet, now that I have exactly that, I can't seem to feel comfortable. I was constantly looking over my shoulder in a place I had always felt safe. When I had breached the subject with Dumbledore at one of our weekly meetings, he had almost insisted that I see Dr. Greene again.

I managed to sway him only just, but I doubted anyone ever really swayed Dumbledore from anything. I still hadn't quite figured out why he didn't like me hanging out with Sirius Black. Maybe he feared that hanging out with a boy would only cause me more stress?

Or maybe it was something else entirely? I hadn't tried to figure Dumbledore out since first year though. I had deemed it impossible to ever fully understand the man with his eccentric ways and weird humour, but maybe it was time to revisit and revise that thought. Maybe it was time I started understanding his way of thinking.

Maybe then I would understand this strange fascination I had with Sirius Black? Because it was a strange fascination, even Lily seemed to think so. (Although she has repeatedly admitted to finding everyone with a crush on a Marauder strange in some way or another. If you asked me that girl was just in denial, plain and simple. She disliked the blokes so much that she didn't seem to be able to look past their flaws. She had once told me that all their handsome traits disappeared when she looked at them. All she ever saw were their actions; them bullying some Slytherin or their arrogance as they bragged about their latest prank. I've tried to persuade her, but haven't gotten very far. That girl is pretty darn stubborn.)