Bonds {TWD}

Chapter 4 {ARIZONA}

The small grey car I'd scavenged as the truck ran on fumes putters to a stop, Damian's head shoots up from his paws.
I look at him and the rear view mirror and smile.
"It's okay bud, we've just hit a small road block." I say and pop open my door.
I stand in the middle of a road blanketed by dirt and other crap. But other than the unattended road where I stand probably looks as it did before this shit hit the fan.
On either side of the road is a field of tall queen ann's lace.
I walk to the back seat where Damian sits patiently. I open the back and he hops out to my side.
I have no idea what to do, I'm stranded somewhere outside of what I think is Washington DC, for when I was driving down, I saw what I can only guess was the White House and the Washington Monument.
I look at the wide white flowers and for the fact I have nothing else to do, I go and walk into the field and run my hands over the flowers. Damian sniffing the air by my side.
A forest starts a few meters infront of me, and through the leaves of the trees I see a patch of white.
I realize it's not smart to go and check it out, but my curiosity gets the best of me and I start to jog through the flowers. As I get closer the white expands, soon I'm through the cover of the trees and I now see that the white is paneling on a house, a house!
I run up to the white front door with Damian stuck at my hip. I whip it open then enter the small room, it's a traditional entry room painted beige like the rest of the house, a black leather coat hangs to my left, brown leather lace up boots butt up against the wall under it, a shelf above it holds hats ranging from beanies to fedoras, and a couple scarves hang from hooks.
To my right hangs a marvelous oak and white recurve bow and a quiver of arrows above it.
I reach up and run a hand along the curving body of the bow. I decide to leave it be for now and take my Colt M1911 from the back of my pants. I bang it loudly against the second doorframe of the house and listen for a riser, no sound can be heard.
I step through the door and into a long hallway.
To my right one door, a set of stairs going down and another door, at the end of the hall is a door and there is one door to my left.
I slink into the first door on my right, it's a shocking color of hot pink, and it looks like a pink unicorn exploded. There is a bed pushed against the wall to the left and the hardwood floor is littered with stuffed animals and toys of all kinds. Two windows let the sun glint and amplify the brightness.
I'd been standing in the room so long with the shocking paint that my eyes started to throb, I stepped back into the hallway and closed the door.
I stood in the darkness until the pain subsided, walked to the stairs in the darkness as my eyes adjusted to the gloom, I took slow methodical steps downwards.
By the time my foot pounded cement my eyes had fully adjusted and I could discern the two metal cylinders infront of me. Even better the owner of this little shack had labeled them for me, the one on the right had a paper stuck to it with the messy but discernible words; Water Heater scrawled on it. The second had the same messy handwriting on it but the words; Backup Generator dance across the page.
On either is a switch and I flick them both, a lightbulb above my head flickers on and I look up, staring at it like it's the most beautiful thing in the world, because to me it was. To my right is something I couldn't see in the dark, a door, but it wasn't the biggest thing right now.
I suppressed a shriek of excitement as I trudge upstairs to see the lights of the house beam down. I smile and lift my arms up as I twirl around in the light, I laugh, a sound that hasn't escaped my lips in a very long time.
But I stop twirling, and let my hands fall to my sides, I should search the house before I get all cozy with this.
I skip to the last door on the right, I open it, a master bedroom, a large brown bed sits next to the back wall, a window on the wall to my left, a bookcase to my right with a door next to it that's probably the closet. I smirk and duck out of the room.
I swing open the door at the end of the hall, a pedestal sink is to my right, a bath/shower infront of me and a toilet to my left, I spin around on my heel and stride to the door on the left wall, I step in and see the table with two worn reclining chairs at either side, a fireplace on the left wall.
Another doorway looms to my right, as I step in I'm greeted by a happy sight, a kitchen with a small table that sits to my right accompanied by a small ratty chair.
The counter tops are butcher's block and the cabinets are varnished oak, a large smile spreads on my lips and I saunter back to the master bedroom.
With eager hands I slide open the closet doors and am greeted by an array of clothes, button up shirts range from checkered to plaid, from red to blue. There are two stacks of leg wear, all jeans of some sort, either shorts or skinny, from all shades of blue to shades of grey to burgundy. A few undershirts hang next to the button ups ranging from black to white.
A wicker basket of socks sits at my feet, and a rack of bras hangs to my right with a shelf of boy short style underwear to my left, a canvas bag hangs directly infront of me.
I snatch the bag off it's hook and take the shirts and shove them in, I take half a stack of jeans then shove them in, I snatch up multiple pairs of socks and shove them in. I reluctantly take the underwear and a black bra.
I pick up an extra undershirt, blue plaid shirt, pair of grey jeans and set of socks that I carry in my hands.
I walk out of the room with my haul and take a sharp right into the bathroom. I lay the extra clothes on the toilet and throw my bag next to the sink. I stand infront of the sink and stare at the thing in the mirror.
It has greasy straight dark brown hair, it's eyes are a mix of greyish blue and the other a greyish green, it's nose is swiped with dirt, face blotchy with dirt and blood, hollow eyes and cheekbones show a lack of nutrition, lips full and cracked.
It's not at all the person that had left her family behind five years ago, not the young girl that failed miserably at trying to suppress tears when her cat died, no this is the girl that lodged a bullet in her own mother's brain without getting teary eyed, who killed seven men, this is the girl who has survived this long with the dead roaming the earth.
That's the girl I want to be.
I sigh and peel off my shirt, I lift it over my head to reveal a now brownish bra that used to be white, a silver chain with a large metal key hanging on it and a sunken stomach with sharp ribs peeking through thin skin.
I try to make myself look fat, but I look the same, bummer. I un buckle my belt and lay it on the sink's edge, I un button my pants and unzip the fly then try for ten straight minutes to get them down around my ankles.
I undo my shoelaces and slip them off my feet with a struggle, my socks slip off with them. I kick off my pants and slip out of my underwear, I unhook my bra with clumsy unfamiliar fingers and slip that off aswell. I pick up the dirt and blood sodden clothes and drop them unceremoniously into the small white wastebin that sits on the white tile floor.
I turn the shower on and let the running water flow over my hand until it heats up to a desired temperature. I look back at the girl in the mirror, she reaches up and snaps the brittle elastic that held her hair up, even though I've freed my hair it doesn't fall around my shoulders as it did many years ago, it stays put, grease, blood, dirt and other nasty stuff acting as a strong gel.
I open the cabinet above the sink and pull out a hair brush, it takes what feels like an hour to get my hair detangled and then I step into the shower.
The water pounds my skin rhythmically and the dirt rolls off of me like an avalanche, I watch as it rolls in brown clouds down the drain. It takes a while but the water becomes clear and then I begin to run my fingers through my hair, I tilt my head back and rinse my hair out, I wipe my face with my hands a few times then flick the water out of my eyes.
I reach for the bottle labled shampoo that sits unused on the small shelf infront of me, it sits with a bottle of conditioner, a bar of soap and a razor.
I squeeze some shampoo into the palm of my hand and massage it from my roots to my tips. Then I tilt my head back and rinse it out. It's time for the conditioner, I squeeze some in my hand and only work this through the length of my hair, I let this sit as I soap myself up and then stand back in the steamy streams of water that rinse me down.
I stand there for a few minutes enjoying the water on my skin, but then I do as I must and reluctantly turn off the glorious shower and ring my hair out, I step out of the shower and bring a towel that hangs on the back of the door around my hair.
I tousle my hair, if falls with dead split ends around my hips. I wrap the towel around my chest and rummage through the overhead cabinet for something.
I pull out just what I needed held properly in my fingers, a pair of purple handled scissors. I smile and bring the scissors to the right side of my face, I slice it closely to my scalp and the hair falls away in a large clump. I snip it to just behind my ear and smirk, I start to gradually cut my hair diagonally downward. At the end my hair is down to my collar bone, the rest is around my feet.
I pull the front bit that hangs from my nose to the far corner of my eye, and snip it from my eyebrow down.
I hadn't noticed until now that my hair, though wet, is lighter than before I had stepped into the shower. I try not to think that all that color was dirt and grease and blood.
I walk over to the toilet and pick up the clothes, I throw everything on and walk confidently out.
I walk out to Damian sitting on the carpeted hallway floor, chewing a stuffed animal, a koala.
I smile as he bounds up to my side with the animal hanging out of his mouth. I feel a gurgle rumble in my stomach and the sound of a crowd of risen comes out.
I look at Damian who is linked at my hip, his head tilted and ears cocked. I smile at his cute face.
"Want some dinner boy?" I ask in a higher puppy dog voice.
His koala drops as he yips a response and I pat him on his head.
"Get your toy, let's go!" I smile and head for the kitchen. Damian hesitates and then bounds back to my side as I enter the kitchen.
I walk over to the sink and reach up, I swing open the cabinet doors and find two shelves of pots. I take a medium one down and close the doors.
I search the cabinets and pick out three more items, a can of tomato sauce, a wooden spoon and a box of spaghetti.
I fill the pot with water and place it on the burner. I turn the stovetop on and wait for it to boil. I open the pot cupboard and take out a smaller pot and place it on a second burner, I crack open the can of tomato sauce and splat it into the pot, I'll wait for the spaghetti to heat before I finish the sauce.
• • •
I bolt from my seat in the living room reading my book to the bathroom, I flick on the light and hurl into the toilet.
Once all the spaghetti is up, I sit up and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I stand up and flush the fowl tasting, smelling and looking stew, away.
I stand up from my kneeling position infront of the throne, and look at myself in the mirror, I look pale, like I have a green glow to me, my eyes are dark and all color has drained from my face.
I sigh and walk into the master bedroom, I pull the brown blinds closed and flop onto the bed. Damian trots in and jumps onto the bed, he begins to clean himself and I close my eyes. Darkness folds around me, and pulls me into it.