If Only...

IN A NUTSHELL

"What?" She raises an eyebrow, and I shake my head again.

Just like Rosie.

"Did it happen?" She gasps, cupping her mouth.

"Did what happen? . . . --No!"

"You can tell me, Alex."

"Nothing happened, Stella!"

"Nothing? . . ." She drawls and I bite my lip, twisting my fingers together. If I said no, I'd be lying. Stella would probably figure it out before I could articulate the words. So I divert the talk.

"Enough about me. What happened to you that night, huh? I was so worried and you never called. Did John even get you home?"

"He did and . . . it happened." She grins, and it dawns on me after a beat. Even though we've used the euphemism not ten seconds ago.

"Really?!" I gasp and my eyes widen. "Stella, that's--"

"Oh, no. Don't you dare. It's your turn to talk now. Walk me through every single detail starting from the night you dropped me off home."

I sigh and lean back.

It's going to be a long and hard story because I can't report it first hand to her. I need filters. Fine, fine filters.

"If you're planning on leaving out anything, I can tell." She gives me a death glare, and I chuckle. Look who's the mind-reader today.

"Enough mystery. Give me some romance already."

I sigh and then smile at her almost in my face. Stella's curiosity knows no bounds. But she does bring a certain important glow to me. And I need that glow.

"What?" Her upper lip hitches up in impatience and I shake my head no again.

"It's just good to have you back, Stella."

"Wow."

Stella says through a mouthful of cake, staring at the farthest end of the room.

The piece of cake in her mouth is the first one she's eaten and I'm in a dilemma about which direction the 'wow' was headed for; the cake or the story I have just finished narrating.

Both options are equally valid.

So I wait patiently, and contradict the just said phrase with the incessant tapping of my foot, for Stella to swallow.

"So he hasn't popped the question yet?"

I sigh and relax my back muscles.

Of all things, that is what she asks me.

But once I think about it, it makes sense.

Because I don't want to think about it.

It's like with Rosie, before she knew about Danny and I.

I didn't think it would happen and so I didn't think about it happening.

But now that that's happened, has this taken its place?

Do I see it happening?

Riddle me that.

"No, Stella. And I'm not even sure if he has it on his mind. All that I've told you is what I know."

"Why don't you talk to him about his side, then--Oh, this is good cake--you know? Communicate?"

"I don't know, Stella." I sigh. "What if I'm wrong and I ask him? I'll just put the idea into his head then."