Clueless [h.s]

[64] Me

"I'm sorry. I love you so much, I hope I didn't hurt you too bad."

Thankfully, after a few minutes the pain eased down and the harsh beating of my heart against my skull stopped, so I gently pulled away from Harry. His hands captured mine as I slowly pulled away and he just looked down at them for a while, playing around with my fingers and comparing the sizes of our hands. His thumb traced around my ring finger on my hand, and I noticed the slight shaking of our hands as he brung it up to his lips and planted a kiss where his thumb had traced over.

My eyes shifted from his shaky hands to the pale skin of his face, his lips dark red and his eyes slightly swollen. My heart ached as I assumed what I had feared the most, Harry just made himself throw up.

He seemed to notice that I was studying him for too long because he broke the silence. "Why were you awake?"

"Because you are," I simply stated with a small shrug of my shoulders.

"I was just in the bathroom," Harry whispered, quickly wiping the corner of his mouth as if I wouldn't see.

"Yeah, I figured." I scoffed. I tried to pull my hands away from his but he gripped them tighter in his, an apologetic look flashing across his features.

"I just had something I needed to do.." he said slowly, eyes glued down at our intertwined fingers resting on my lap.

I would be lying if I said that he did not regret what he had just done in the restroom. I could tell just by his quivering lip bit harshly between blunt teeth, that he was so close into breaking down again. He regretted it so much, and I was so disappointed. My heart ached in my chest just to see him so broken, especially after everything we had done just a few hours ago.

I knew that I shouldn't have been this disappointed, did I really expect him to get better in an instant? Instead of scolding him, I pulled him towards me and wrapped my arms around his torso as his head nuzzled in the crook of my neck. His body slightly shook with every inhale he took, and it felt like every breath he drew in burned his lungs. It wasn't long until I felt wet hot tears drip down on the skin of my neck.

My heart crumbled as I heard a soft sob he failed to stifle rip from his throat. His grip around me tightened as he failed to resist his emotions taking over again.

"I'm sorry," he choked out.

"It's not your fault," I whispered as my fingers raked through his unbelievably long and soft hair.

"I-I know I said that I-I would try," he stuttered. "but I guess my body wasn't used to eating that much these past days, and I just had to get rid of it."

"Oh," I muttered softly.

"I'm sorry, I am really trying."

"I-I know you are, and I appreciate that so much," I only pulled away to press a kiss to his forehead. "You can get through this."

"I'm sorry again. I love you."

"I love you, too, Harry. I believe in you so much."

And that was the truth, I really did believe in him with everything I had. I knew that one day he would be able to love himself just as much as I love him. It would take a while, months, maybe years, but I knew he could do this. He was in control of this, and I only prayed that I would be able to guide him back to recovery the entire way; no matter how painful it was to endure.