It All Started With A First Impression

First Impressions and Whatnot

This news didn't change anything between us though, we kept on teasing each other, making mean sarcastic comments, and competing to talk more during lunch. It amazed me how much he could talk, just like me, about anything and everything. It was so cool to finally have someone who would never shut up just like me. I was so happy whenever I was around him and my friends.

I remember one day I refused to sit by his side, so he moved to sit next to me and made someone else move in order to do so. I was having pasta that day and he playfully tried to feed me. I was talking when out of no where he poked my tongue with the fork. My reaction was obviously of shock and a bit of anger. Why the hell was he doing that? But then I started laughed along with him and my friends.

It later became an inside joke between us.

Another time that I can clearly remember was when I didn't sit next to him and there was no more space for us to do so anyway. That day he spilled his grape juice on his shorts and it made it look like he had had an accident, so I started cracking up and making fun of him, but literally like two minutes later while I tried to open mine the same thing happened to me and then he was the one laughing at me. I think he made a joke about him making me "wet" that one time.

Months passed by, and we started texting. We would stay up until two or three in the morning just texting and talking about random things.

That's when we really got to know each other more deeply and we got closer.

I remember Eli, my cousin, and I arguing about how close we were to him one time and I became upset by the fact that she had said that they were close too, my comeback was just that the relationship between him and I was just stronger, and that him and I were closer to each other than with any of the other friends we had.

And okay, so people started saying that he and I flirted all the time, and that we liked each other. I kept saying no and he would just joke about it and say he was just waiting for me to admit it so we could love each other openly.

I was honest when I said I didn't like him, at least that's what I thought for months, but I don't remember exactly when it was that I realized that no, I didn't see him as just a friend, I started to realize why it made me upset to hear Eli say that they were close, or to find out that he liked someone, I started to realize why I would play hard to get when he wanted me to sit by him, or why I enjoyed his company more than the one of anybody else's.

I had been so blind for so long. I liked him, I really did.

Everyone else was right, at least about me. I didn't think he liked me, but a part of me hoped that he did. But I reminded myself that even if he did he still had a girlfriend so there was no point in admitting my feelings for him. So after that, I payed more attention to how I reacted to his jokes and actions.

Man, I didn't just like him, I had strong feelings for him and I couldn't believe I had been oblivious to them for so long. Every time he smiled or talked to me I could feel my heart accelerate, a part of me thought I was being cheesy as fuck, and that that was only supposed to happen in fiction movies or books.

My feelings grew stronger and stronger, and one day he told us his family was moving back to Mexico at the end of summer. I felt something inside me break. I was so sad to hear that, but I pretended like it didn't affect me that much.
At least he would go back and finally be happy with his girlfriend, all I could concentrate on was his happiness and if he was happy then I was happy too.

It wasn't until a month before he left that we went to the fair with out friends that I stopped refusing to let my feelings for him show. Of course, I didn't just randomly blurt out that I liked him, but since I was always so sarcastic around him and made mean comments at all times I decided to enjoy the night and I grabbed his hand and pulled him to one of the games.

Holding his hand was a big deal because I was never affectionate and I never had let him hold my hand, or hug me or anything like that. So he was shocked when I did so.

He was playing a shooting game trying to win some stuffed animal but he sucked at it so he let my cousin do it for him and he won him a big stuffed animal. Once he got it he handed it to me and said "for my girlfriend, Monica" and oh my goodness, my heart did this thing were it started beating supper fast but at the same time it felt a shot of pain run through it. I wasn't his girlfriend, and he was just joking about it, so I corrected him and clarified that his girlfriend's name was not Monica, but he playfully pulled me into his arms and said that for that night, I was. My heart couldn't take it. I fought the hug at first but then I hugged him back, and I fought back tears, I couldn't tell if they were tears of joy or pain, but I enjoyed the hug for as long as it lasted.

Overall, we had an amazing night and at the end of it I got a ride from my friends who were also my neighbors and we went home. He spent the night at their house and we kept texting after I got inside. He told me he was so close, and that he would sneak into my room, but I told him to stop being silly and that my dad would shoot him if he even tried.

Somehow the conversation turned more serious and we ended up talking about his girlfriend. He told me about how he was having issues with her because she was the jealous type and whenever he couldn't talk to her she would over think things and get upset. I guess they had been fighting a lot lately. It made me sad to hear that, but I couldn't deny that deep inside a part of me was happy about it because it meant that maybe she wasn't the one.

Hey, a girl can dream right?

Time went by so fast, and when we came down to the last week of him being in moline, I had made up my mind about telling him how I felt, but I also knew that I wanted to end our friendship if I did so. I was not going to be able to keep on pretending that I could be just his friend. So one night while we were talking I agave him hints. I told him I liked someone but I didn't make it 100% obvious that it was him, but he figured it out. However, I ended up regretting it and I said it wasn't him. But that made things awkward between us.

We hung out one last time at Eli's after that. By this time I had already cried for at least four days in a row. Yeah, I was devastated knowing that I wouldn't see him every day anymore, but I wasn't the one to be all emotional and sweet in front of him, so I sucked it up and acted normal, we went back to the usual us that day and the awkwardness went away.

Then the day finally came, I went over to his house to say goodbye and give him back his wallet because he left it at Eli's. I hugged him one last time for as long as I could, then I left. I don't know how I managed to spent those few minutes in front of him without crying because I had been crying before that and I kept on crying afterwards. Even my family new this, because I was a mess. And my family had always agreed with my friends about us liking each other.

Anyway, that night was his last night in the USA and we were talking and I was so tired of crying and I was so upset that o texted him saying how I didn't want to be friends anymore and that I hoped he could fix things with his girlfriend when he moved back and that it was nice knowing him.

He got so upset. He didn't understand why I didn't wanna be friends with him, but I refused to tell him.
When he finally left, he messaged me saying that unless I gave him a good damn reason why we couldn't be friends, I was stuck being his friend for a long time. So I got mad, because I just wanted to end it and I thought that was the only way. I told him why, I told him I liked him and that I couldn't be friends with him and know he was with someone else because it was hurting me and I couldn't pretend anymore.

Ha, needless to say he was even more upset after I said this. And he told me that I was doing it wrong and I should've told him this before he left, because things between us would've been different. I didn't understand what he meant at first, but then he said we could've been more than just best friends and that made me upset.

So all this time our friends had been right and I felt so frustrated.

But it was too late, so I asked him for some time, because no matter what I said he said we would still keep in touch and that I wouldn't get rid of him so easily, it made me happy to know he wasn't going to let me go so easily, but I wasn't ready to talk like nothing had happened, because whether I liked it or not even if we liked each other he still had a girlfriend and he lived in another country now, and I wasn't one to do long distance relationships. So I told him I wanted time, and that I would let him know when I was ready to be friends and stay in Each other's lives...

And so the time started...

*** To Be Continued***