Becoming & Accepting INTJ

Regret- Toby's P.O.V.

She is never at any school event.
Not even the football games or Homecoming.

But I saw her at prom.

I'm such an idiot. She probably thought I was being such a perv. When really I just noticed she was breathung rapidly, as if her heart was going to explode. She looks better now. Less sad and more beautiful. Elena looked gorgeous and every guy in the room knew it. I'd pick her over any girl. What was I thinking?

I ran a hand through my blonde hair. I had my music on really loud in my basement so no one would hear my groans of agony. I left Stacey and Laura and Jamie, after what they did. I left without a word. I remember hearing Stacey call after me, she couldn't keep up with me in her heels.

My suit jacket was thrown on the floor and my shirt was unbuttoned. I was playing my drums as hard as I could, taking out my anger on them. I play trumpet and piano too. And flute thanks to Elena. But I can't admit that she's the one who taught me. It makes me look stupid, but I feel stupid for not telling the truth about how I learned. Mabey Jake was right. I just wanted Elena's intelligence for my ego.

She'll never forgive me. Elena's too smart for that. Why didn't I ask about her side of the story? Am I really that blind to what Stacey and the twins say? I didn't even give her a second thought!

I can see it now. All the music, the harmony, the duets ,the projects, the texting, the notes... she got really attached to me. And I didn't realize I got attached to her until she left. Then I started ignoring her, being rude to her, making her jealous with Stacey... But then I saw her with her friends. I saw her pick herself up and make progress, even though I did everything I could to slow her down.

I realized I really cared about her and how amazing she was. And then I saw her with Jake, a guy who already knew. I yelled and banged a tune even louder. I turned over music stands and piles of sheet music.

I was happy she was gone at first. Who would want a back stabber as a friend right? In time I had to distract myself from thinking about her. The guilt. Her reactions. Her suffering. Elena overheard rumors I started about how I hate her. I feel awful. I told her I missed her today. But I really wanted to tell her that...I love her. I held her for one last time until Stacey tore her to pieces. I meant what I said. And now every time I think of her when I'm alone I feel hot liquid pour from my eyes as my heart begins to ache and tense.

I let out an aggravating scream again that echoed in the destroyed room. I slammed my hands on the drum and let the tears spill onto it's face.

She'll never forgive me, but even if she did I don't deserve her forgiveness.

I punched the drum and made a rip through it. I turned over instrument stands and more music discs. I stopped when I was about to knock over my flute. I held it carefully in my hands. It's... so delicate and beautiful.

The stinging tears had blurred my vision, but I suddenly saw someone in front of me. I saw it was a girl in pink, her striaght hair up in pigtails, and her arms clutching the doll in them. She seemed nervous. It was my little sister, Mia.

" Toby, why you crying? " She asked quietly.
I sniffeled, trying to calm myself, as I lowered my music.

" Pocahontas..." I choked out.

Her little face tilted and filled with concern "What wrong with Pocahontas?"

That was Mia's nickname for Elena.

When I first introduced them, Mia was playing princess. She said that Elena looked like Pocahontas with curly hair. Mia really liked her. She had a Princess themed Kindergarten gradation party and Elena came dress up as Pocahontas just for her. She even took the time to striaghten her unruly, wavy locks.

I tried to smile "She set sail... she's gone."

My little sister frowned and looked sad. "Where did she go? Will she ever come back?"

" Pocahontas started over in the New World, Mia. She's not coming back."

" Why did she leave?" Mia asked innocently.

I let out a flustered sigh and burried my face in my hands. I felt liquid spill into my palms.

"Becuase John Smith is a fool and should have never let her go." I moaned.

Mia nodded. But then her eyes went wide. She made the connection.  Suddenly I felt skinny arms wrap around me. " You can hug my dolly if you want, Toby. She makes me feel better."

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A / N

John Smith is Toby by the way.... Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall- you make the connection?