Take You Home ON HOLD

Today Was Starting Over {Chapter 2}

Song: Fix You // Coldplay

"Ava, there's someone here to see you." The nurse, who I had learned was named Lisa, said.

I nodded. People from school had been in and out the past couple of days. Few brought gifts and wanted to talk, most just wanted a picture to tweet. My "story" or whatever you want to call it, had flooded the papers. I'm assuming most of these kids didn't even know my name before what the news is calling "A smalltown tragedy", because I didn't know most of theirs. Their visits didn't bother me too much, for the most part. I didn't have enough room in my heart or my head to be angry with them

I made myself comfortable in my bed, waiting for the next guest to give their condolences and be on their way. Hopefully this time they'd bring something useful this time, like baby clothes. I laughed to myself, wondering what my classmates would think if they knew that not only was I an orphan, but that I was also pregnant. 

The door opened slowly, and I turned to see what the hesitation was.

"Hi." He whispered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it quickly, at a complete loss for words.

In the doorway stood Hayden, my not so brotherly brother. 

I had somewhat expected him to show up. I mean, you don't just ignore the death of your parents. Then again he had done a pretty great job of ignoring us for the past four years. Still, seeing him here gave me chills - and a small headache. The memories I had of him were not fond ones.

He was taller than I remembered and his features were much softer. I watched intently as he ran a hand through his dark hair. It was the same color as mine.

"Can I sit down?"

I nodded.

He walked to the chair next to the bed and took a seat, looking tired and uncomfortable.

The room was silent, other than the faint noise coming from the TV. I studied his features, trying to connect them to the Hayden I once knew. He was more muscular now, and his hair was shorter. I remembered the way it used to fall over his face, covering his eyes. I remembered him as a mess, an angry mess. The man before me had an air of composure to him.  Not in the sense that he wasn't hurt by the current situation, but that he had put his life together. He was no longer the bitter teenager I once knew.

"What do you want?" I broke the silence, beginning to feel the years of built up anger screaming to be let out. 

He looked up at me, clearly surprised by my bluntness. He shook his head and sighed. "I don't even know where to start. I want to apologize, but how the hell do you apologize for being an asshole and abandoning your family? I'm so sorry, Ave's, you don't even know. I'm sorry for walking out on you, I'm sorry for never calling or reaching out to you. I'm sorry I gave you such a bad example to follow. I'm so sorry for everything-" He paused, rubbing his hands over his forehead.

I processed his words, trying to let them sink in.

I felt indifferent toward him. Not hate or anger. Was that how I was supposed to feel? Hayden had torn our family apart and left us to piece it back together. I watched him break my parents hearts over and over again. He changed us all, left each of us a little more damaged than we already were. Yet, as I stared at my older brother, I felt nothing but confusion. Maybe even a little sorry for him. He had to live with the fact that he never had the chance to say goodbye to his parents. He will never be able to apologize, or try to rebuild; and it was his own fault.

He looked broken.

"Why are you here?" I asked him. I was doing my best to leave any emotion out of my words. I couldn't let him see the pain he had caused me, I couldn't let him think that he was getting away with everything.