Squib On The Run (sequel to Squib In The basement)

58. Inside My Mind

Cassiopeia wrote to Harry, encouraging him to put a bit more effort into his Occlumency lessons, and in his rather unenthusiastic reply, he promised he would.
She also told him to stay at Hogwarts for the Easter holidays, as she wanted him to study for his upcoming OWLs, and she didn't want her and Sirius to be a distraction for him.
By the time the holidays arrived, she was missing Harry like crazy, but she knew that Hogwarts was the best place for him.

When Snape arrived for her Occlumency lesson during the Easter holidays, she had Kreacher usher him into the study, so that Sirius wouldn't know he was there.
"I have to admit, that I do feel rather like a criminal, being ushered around this place in silence by your house-elf" commented Snape.
"Would you rather get into another fight with my brother? You and him didn't exactly part on the best of terms at Christmas" reminded Cassiopeia.
"Fair point. But if he finds out that I was in his house without his knowledge, he will not be pleased" replied Snape.

"He's never pleased these days, neither of us are, not with everything going on in the world. But he has no need to find out that you were ever here. This room is sound proof, so he won't hear us, even if he's in the room next door. Sirius never uses this room either, as he has never been great at studying. And even though Sirius is the heir, Kreacher is more loyal to me, so he won't snitch on me to Sirius, unless given a direct order to do so. Which means that Sirius will never find out about our little meetings" informed Cassiopeia.

"It seems that you've got it all worked out then" admitted Snape.
"I don't like to leave things to chance, not when there is so much at stake... So, Snape, where do we start?" Asked Cassiopeia.
"Please just call me Severus. We're in an informal one to one lesson, so you don't need to call me by my surname. I may be teaching you, but you are not my student and I am not your professor. Besides, if I am calling you by your first name, it would be uncourteous of me not to let you do the same" replied Snape.

"Very well then, Severus, where do we begin?" Questioned Cassiopeia.
"When you are ready, I will use magic and attempt to penetrate your mind. You must do everything in your power to resist me. You must use the techniques you have been practicing over these past few months to keep your mind blank, so that I see nothing when I enter your mind" instructed Snape.
"Sounds easy enough" replied Cassiopeia.
"Now, don't get too cocky. Keeping your mind blank during a conversation is one thing, but doing so while someone is actively trying to read your thoughts is another thing entirely. And we don't know for sure that you will be able to do it. Your lack of magical ability may make this impossible".

"Don't lose faith in my abilities before we have even started" frowned Cassiopeia.
"I'm just warning you that things might not go the way you want them to" explained Snape.
Cassiopeia rolled her eyes, "My whole life has been full of things not going the way I want them to. So, if I fail at this, it will just be another thing in my life that went wrong".
"Very well. Are you ready? You may experience discomfort and even pain whilst we do this" warned Snape.
"Yet another thing I'm good at enduring. Besides, I'm more concerned for you. If I do fail, you are going to see all of my painful memories, and my life has been pretty shit so far. Which is not going to be pleasant for you to watch"
"My childhood wasn't exactly filled with sunshines and rainbows either, so I'm sure I'll be fine"
"Whatever you say".

"If you're ready, close your eyes and let your mind go blank. I'll give you a minute or so to do this, before I cast the spell. It's unlikely you'll succeed the first time, so we'll try it a few times and see how it goes" said Snape.
"O.K" replied Cassiopeia.
She then closed her eyes, and began breathing deeply. She pushed her emotions out, and tried to imagine nothing in front of her but a blank room.
"Legilimens!" Exclaimed Snape.
Cassiopeia cried out as she suddenly felt a surge of power hit her with great force.
She bit her tongue and continued focusing on keeping her mind blank. She knew nothing good would come of letting her emotions get the better of her, so she tried to let go of the pain and anger she was feeling.

Even though she had started off strong, the pressure inside her brain began to intensify.
Without meaning to, she let the wall in her mind slip, and she suddenly saw herself back in the dining room, the day her mother had drugged her.
She saw Lucius Malfoy stood beside her with a hiddeous grin on his face that made her feel sick.
"No!" Screamed Cassiopeia as she used all of her will power to push Snape out of her mind.
The pain in her head suddenly receded, and she opened her eyes to regain her bearings.
She was safe in the study, and her mother and Lucius were nowhere in sight.

"Well, that sucked. No wonder Harry hates doing it" mumbled Cassiopeia as she tried to get her breath back.
She felt exhausted even though she hadn't done anything physical.
"That memory you showed us. Was that the night-" started Snape.
"That is something I am not going to talk about with you. Not now, not ever, so don't ask. That memory is always playing in the back of my mind, which is probably why it was the first thing you saw when I let my barriers down. I assume that was all you saw?" Interupted Cassiopeia.
"Yes, your mind was pretty impenetrable at first. It was only when you started getting tired that you slipped up and allowed me to see the beginning of that memory" answered Snape.

"Good. I hate the idea of you roaming through my mind, seeing all my personal thoughts and memories" admitted Cassiopeia.
"I am not doing this because I want to pry into your life. We are doing this to help you, remember. And you should feel very proud of yourself for what you just did. I wasn't expecting to find such a strong shield in your mind. I thought I was going to walk straight into your head, like I do with Potter. But you kept me at bay for quite a while" praised Snape.
"Harry is hormonal teenage boy, expecting him to have the same level of emotional maturity and control as me, is unrealistic. And it's unfair to hold him to the same level as me" scolded Cassiopeia.
"I've been teaching him for weeks now, and he never seems to improve. If he'd been as good as you just were, in his first lesson, then I feel like we might have achieved some progress by now. But sadly, we have not".

"You just need to try a bit harder with him, and maybe give him some positive encouragement" suggested Cassiopeia.
"That is not how I teach. Besides, Potter doesn't have time to be coddled, not when the dark lord is trying to break into his head" replied Snape.
"We are expecting too much of him. He is still just a boy, and I think people keep forgetting that" admitted Cassiopeia.
"Boy or not, he is no good at Occlumency. While it is technically a skill you can teach, I believe some people are just born to be good at it, and others are not".

"Am I born to be good at it?" Quizzed Cassiopeia.
Snape raised an eyebrow, "Let's see. Are you ready to go again?".
"Yes" nodded Cassiopeia.
"Very well. We'll soon see if it was a fluke or not... Legilimens!" Commanded Snape.
Cassiopeia barely had a second to compose herself before she felt the pain in her head once more.
For a split second she saw herself back in the basement as Walburga took baby Alfie from her arms.
But Cassiopeia quickly pushed Snape out of that memory and into a dark empty room.
She imagined tall thick walls around her, fencing Snape in, so that he couldn't access any more of her memories.
Cassiopeia kept her mind as blank as she could, despite the pain she felt every time Snape pushed up against the walls in her mind.

Eventually the pain faded once more, and Cassiopeia was able to open her eyes.
She had never seen Snape look happy before, but the current look on his face was the closest she had ever seen him look to that particular emotion.
"Was that alright?" Asked Cassiopeia.
Even though she knew the answer, she didn't want Snape to think she was bragging about her abilities.
"Yes. That was very good" informed Snape.

"I guess that proves that experiment then. Squibs can do Occlumency" announced Cassiopeia.
"I wouldn't go that far and draw that kind of conclusion from what we just did. Like I said earlier, some people are just naturally going to be good at Occlumency, while others aren't. And as it so happens, you have a knack for it" admitted Snape.
"I suppose I do" agreed Cassiopeia.
"With a little bit more practice and training, I have no doubt that you will be able to keep even the dark lord out of your mind"
"Really?"
"Yes. I'm not saying you'll be able to withstand Unforgivable Curses. But if the dark lord uses Legilimens on you, I feel confident that you will be able to keep him out of your head... You have impressed me, Cassiopeia".

"Coming from you, that is extremely high praise" commented Cassiopeia.
"Yes, it is. Anyway, I had better be off, as I have a lot to be getting on with. I will return at the end of the week, to see how you have progressed" informed Snape.
"Very well. See you soon, Severus" replied Cassiopeia.
Snape then began to head towards the door, but before he did he looked over his shoulder, back at Cassiopeia.
"Oh, and one more thing... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about your son" he said quietly.
He then left swiftly a second later, before a stunned Cassiopeia could respond to his heartfelt admission.