THE ALGORITHM OF THE FORBIDDEN HEART

Chapitre 16

Carla POV

I left Donatella in the amphitheater. I had won the battle of words, but I had lost the battle for the truth. She knew I was lying. The urgency to get away from her, from that pressure, was immense.

The lunch break was here, and I knew I had to eat according to our pact. But anxiety tied my stomach in knots.

I skipped the meal.

Instead of heading to the cafeteria, I looked for the most discreet spot behind the library, a place known to student smokers.

I went outside for a cigarette. I hadn't touched a cigarette in two years. I didn't necessarily enjoy it, but it was like a habit, an old Lyra reflex to manage stress. A way to do violence to myself gently, calmly.

I pulled out the pack I had kept in my bag for emergencies. I lit my cigarette. The acrid smoke rushed back into my lungs, and for a moment, I rediscovered a familiar feeling of control.

I felt a presence behind me. I turned around. It was Anja, coming to sit next to me.

« Are you okay? What did Vianelli want? She kept you long. »

I told her: "The bare minimum. She wasn't happy with my participation." I lied to her so I wouldn't have to talk about breakfast or the night before.

Anja: Did you have time to eat?

I lied to her again: "Yes, something quick."

Anja shook her head, her face worried. She knew something was wrong.

Anja started telling me what had happened that morning in the class before Vianelli's.

"Carla, I'm so sorry about what happened with Professor Mercier. He was truly awful."

She continued, and it all came back. That incident this morning was the reason I was pale in Dona's class.

In fact, for the first time in my life, Carla had forgotten to do an assignment. It was a minor assignment, but the oversight was unforgivable in my own code of conduct.

Professor Mercier noticed it. I was kept for an hour because of it. And what's more, when Carla tried to defend herself in front of that professor, he yelled. He couldn't accept that the best student dared to justify her mistake.

Anja, who was next to me, saw it and reassured me. But it was too late.

After the shouting, my legs were trembling. The verbal aggression, the public humiliation, had brought back the memory of my father's violence.

And that professor belittled me in front of the whole class, despite the fact that I was the best in the class. He called me arrogant, irresponsible.

« He showed no mercy. He said your intelligence made you lazy. It was horrible, Carla. »

I took a drag from my cigarette. That was the reason for my anger toward Donatella: I had just been belittled and humiliated, and I was afraid Donatella would do the same, preying on our vulnerabilities. The outside world was always looking to punish me.

"It's okay, Anja. It's in the past," I said, stubbing out the cigarette. But I knew the anger and humiliation would remain. And I knew Donatella would sense it.

I glanced at my watch. Damn, it was 12:58 PM.

"Anja, we have to go!"

We would never be on time. The room was on the other side of the building. I knew that by running, we'd get there around 1:05 PM. That was a shameful delay for me, and I knew Dona hated being late.