Everything's Changed

SEVEN

Chapter Seven:

The wait in the waiting area was pure agony. With every person who was called in, Mark would feel his heart miss a beat. He was scared, proper scared. There hadn't been one single thing in his life that had scared him more than now. He was shaking with fear and anticipation. He just wanted to go in. The sooner he went in, the sooner this would be all over. The longer he was sat here waiting, the more nervous he became.

Robbie sat by his side looking at him every now and then, making sure that he was all right. It hadn't taken Robbie long to realise that Mark was starting to shake with fear and so he wrapped an arm around him, hoping to calm him down as much as he could.

"You all right?" Robbie asked quietly.

"No," Mark said, the fear evident in his voice as well as his body language. "I'm scared."

"I know so am I." Robbie told him and he was. He was scared of what Mark might be told. He was scared that today would be the beginning of the end of Mark's life. It sounded dramatic, but that was the truth of it. If they turned around and said that chemo hadn't worked, Mark had already said that he wasn't going to go through any more treatment, which meant that there would be nothing anyone could do for Mark. The tumour would just continue to grow until it eventually took over everything and Mark's body would no longer be able to cope.

"I feel like it's my fault." Mark said. Robbie looked at him in confusion.

"What d'you mean?" He asked.

"I feel it's my fault that I'm ill. If I hadn't been so stupid and done what I had done then maybe I wouldn't be here now." Mark said. Robbie tightened his grip on Mark and refused to let go.

"No Mark, this is not your fault. No-one is to blame for this; this is just something that happens. You can't blame yourself, you just can't." Robbie told him seriously.

"But that's how I feel." Mark said.

"I know, but I'm telling you, it's not your fault."

"What if it is?"

"Mark, stop it."

"No, I won't, because I can't change the way I feel! This is my fault and I know it." Mark said his voice raising to a level that Robbie was not comfortable with, especially as they were in the middle of a waiting area.

"Mark, listen to me, please. You are not to blame. There was nothing you could have done." Robbie told him, Mark just rested his head on Robbie's shoulder and sighed. Robbie rubbed his arm gently as the two of them fell into silence.

The two of them waited for a while longer. Both of them getting more and more nervous as more time passed. Soon they were two of very few people left in the waiting area and not too long later and nurse came out with her clipboard and read from it.

"Mark Owen." She said. Mark felt his heart stop for a second at the sound of his name. He lifted his head of Robbie's shoulder before the two of them stood up together and followed the nurse down the small corridor into one of the many surgeries.

As she let the two of them into the room, she smiled sympathetically at the two of them before leaving and pulling the door up behind her. Robbie wondered what she knew. Did she know the results of Mark's chemo? Was the sympathetic smile a way of saying 'I'm so sorry?' Robbie just hoped that that was the way she smiled to everyone who came in.

The doctor at the desk looked up from his computer and looked at the two of them standing by the door.

"Mr Owen, please sit down." The doctor stood up and indicated for Mark to sit down. Mark slowly moved to sit on the set in front of the desk. Robbie stood at the back of the room, unsure about what to do. He wanted to be with Mark, sitting next to him, but he didn't know if that was such a good idea.