Everything's Changed

FOUR

Chapter Four:

Mark lay in his bed half asleep with a bowl beside his bed. It had been a few weeks since Mark's first dose of Chemotherapy and he now felt very ill. For the first couple of days the doctor's had kept him in hospital before telling him that he could go home so he could rest. Symptoms had started after a few hours and hadn't really gone away. The doctor's had told him to expect this to happen to him when he went in, but he hadn't expected to feel this bad. He had been continuously throwing up and now his stomach hurt whenever he gagged. He was also tired as well, but to be honest that had been an ongoing thing right from the start. The worst thing was that he felt too weak to even get up. He wanted to spend time with his family, but he was just feeling too weak to do so.

Throughout the week, the lads had been round to see how he was coping. Gary had told him that when he had told Dawn, she went into shock and just didn't believe what Gary had told her. It was the same with Robbie when he had told Ayda.

Out of all four of them, Robbie had been back most. He had told him that he was still staying in the hotel that he had been in the week before and Mark felt bad about the fact that he was still here because of him, when really he should be back in LA with Ayda. He had told Robbie this, but Robbie had told him that Ayda was planning to come over and that he wasn't going to go back to LA until he knew that Mark was going to be all right. Of course, that only added to Mark's guilt.

The hardest thing of all though, had been telling the kids. He and Emma hadn't told them straight away. They had left it a couple of days, partly because they had just come back from a happy holiday of sorts with their Grandparents. But mainly, Mark just didn't want to tell them. He didn't want them to know that he was very sick and could die. He wanted to be able to see his children grow up; he didn't want them to have to be without him. They were his life.

When they did finally tell them though, it had been harder than expected. Emma didn't want to just say that Mark could die in a blunt way. She wanted to use as many euphemisms as she could that she knew the kids would understand. Mark just wanted to tell them how it was, so they understood. Eventually, they got the message across, but it hadn't been easy. Elwood – being the eldest – had understood first and as soon as he realised what was being said to him, he hugged Mark as tightly as he could and Mark hugged him back. Willow didn't quite understand, but as soon as she had seen her brother hug their dad, looking upset, she immediately knew that something was wrong and she, too, hugged Mark as tightly as she could.

Then came the Chemo, it was Robbie who had taken Mark up to the treatment centre. Well, technically it had been a taxi, but Robbie was the one who had been with Mark. Emma had been the one to suggest it. She knew that Mark had always been able to talk to Robbie easier than he had with anyone else – including her. She understood it completely though. She knew that Mark and Robbie had had similar problems in the past and that they knew each other better than anyone else. She also knew that if anyone would be able to get Mark talking about how he felt, it would be Robbie. Since being diagnosed, Mark hadn't talked much about his feelings. He tended to avoid the subject all together. Emma hated that Mark was keeping things to himself; he needed to talk. He couldn't let things pile up. The only time Mark ever talked about how he felt was when he was eventually forced to, but even then, he only ever talked about it briefly.

The door opened and Emma walked in. Mark rolled over and looked at her through tired eyes. She smiled sympathetically at him and walked up to the bed. In her hand she held a glass of water. She gently put it on the bedside table and sat on the bed next to Mark.

"You all right?" She asked.

"Fine,"

"Mark, come on, talk to me."