Everything's Changed

SIX

Chapter Six:

Six months into chemotherapy, Mark didn't feel that much better. In fact, he didn't feel any better at all. However, he was still in the recovery period, so maybe he would feel better in a couple of weeks. Though, to be honest, Mark still believed that nothing was going to work. It didn't matter what anyone said to him, Mark still refused to let himself believe that he was getting better.

It was coming to a point now where Robbie, Ayda and Emma just didn't know what to do. All three of them had tried everything in the hope that Mark would start to become slightly more optimistic than he had been, but nothing they did worked. However, they hadn't given up and neither had Howard, Jason or Gary, who still came round as often as they could. Even though there seemed like nothing anyone could do to make Mark more optimistic, no-one was about to give up; they would continue to try and try until Mark finally got better.

Robbie walked up to Mark and Emma's bedroom to see how Mark was feeling. He knew, due to the chemo, that Mark hadn't been feeling great recently, but he was getting there. Robbie just hoped that when Mark went back in a few weeks, this would all be over and everything would be back to normal again – was that too much to ask?

He opened the door, slowly, and peered in. There was little light entering the room as the curtains were closed allowing Mark to be able to sleep. As he peered in Robbie saw Mark on his bed trying to hoist himself up into a sitting position. Robbie could see that Mark was struggling and quickly went over and helped his small, sick friend up.

Once Mark was sat up, Robbie sat on the bed next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Mark then rested his head on Robbie's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Are you all right?" Robbie quietly asked his friend. Mark nodded but kept his eyes closed. Robbie gently rubbed at Mark's arm making the smaller man smile softly.

"I'm gonna miss this." Mark said quietly.

"Mark..." Robbie started, but Mark opened his eyes and moved his head off Robbie's shoulder so he could him in the eye. It was enough to stop Robbie from being able to carry on with his sentence.

"Robbie, enough." Mark said, he wanted to raise his voice, but he just felt too weak to do so. "There's no use trying to tell me that I'm going to get better because I know I'm not." Robbie opened his mouth to argue back, but Mark stopped him. "Do I look like I'm getting better to you?" Robbie didn't move; didn't know what to say. In the end, Mark obviously took Robbie's silence as a 'no' and spoke. "Didn't think so." He said quietly as he rested his head on Robbie's shoulder again. "I'm not getting better Rob. I know I'm not. And if it turns out that I am right then... well, there's nothing I can do about it."

"If..." Robbie swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall before starting again. "If the chemo hadn't worked, what will you do?" He asked eventually.

"How d'you mean?" Mark asked.

"I mean, will you go through chemo again or will you give up treatment completely?" Robbie asked him. Mark looked up again and he could see how difficult this was for Robbie to be asking him these things.

"I won't do treatment anymore." Mark answered looking up at Robbie straight in the eye.

"So you're just gonna... give up?" Robbie's voice was now full of emotion and Mark felt his heart break for his best friend. For the last six months, Robbie had always been there for him, trying to get him to look on the bright side; to not constantly believe that this was the end. However, they both knew that it hadn't worked. Nothing Robbie had done had changed the way Mark viewed his illness and nothing ever would.

"I can't go through it again, Rob." Mark told him. "It's hard and it's horrible." Mark could see that Robbie hated the fact that this was what Mark would choose if he had to. He couldn't say he particularly liked it either, but what other choice did he have? There was no way he had the strength left to go through with chemo again. "Robbie please, don't be like this. This is hard for me as well." Mark told him. Robbie didn't say anything and rested his head on Mark's before wrapping his other arm around Mark and holding him closely in a tight hug.