Kris and Kit

Chapter 31 ~ We've All Made Mistakes

Kit

The last question our group leader asked got everyone excited. When it got to the point that everyone was talking over each other, the group leader told us to settle down. It was 3:00 on Saturday, and I was at an LGBT support group. Ruth couldn't come today, so I was there by myself.

"Now I'd like to talk about something else," the leader began. Her name was Macie, and she was pretty young, only 18. Many of us were older than her, but we all respected her nonetheless. She had shoulder-length blond curls and bright blue eyes, much like Sophie. "We've all made mistakes," Macie said in a serious tone that caught our attention. "I know I have. I'd like to talk about some things we've done that have been bothering us."

I felt like this was aimed at me, even though that was a ridiculous notion. For a few minutes, I listen to everyone talk about their regrets. Macie said that she regretted not being true to herself. She had spent most of her life denying her identity, both her LGBT identity and her overall personality. Everyone had told her that she wasn't who she said she was until they made her believe it. There was also a girl named Alice who talked about being polyamorous, and how she had let go of people she loved. Then it was my turn to talk.

"I..." I exhaled, gripping my knees. "I broke off contact with my friends and my girlfriend." When I paused, I left room for questions.

"Why?" someone asked cautiously. "You don't have to answer," she added.

I gave her a small smile before continuing. "I don't entirely know. I've been thinking about it. After I came out to my parents, they told me I couldn't live with them until I came back a straight girl. Obviously, that can't happen." The others nodded in silent agreement. "After that, I began feeling... I don't know, numb? It seemed like nothing really mattered. The only thing I was sure of was my dream to work in the fashion industry, so I kept doing my work. But I just... Kris, my... we used to date... she would text me, and I couldn't summon the energy to talk to her. It was a horrible feeling, and I couldn't control it."

I appreciated everyone listening intently to my story. This was the first time I was telling myself this, talking to myself about what I must have been thinking at the time. "My friends would all text me and try to meet up with me, but I just wanted nothing more than to break away from my old life I guess. There was no going back to my home, and that messed me up. My parents don't love me. That... messed me up."

Everyone was silent until Macie spoke up, "That's awful, Kit. I'm so sorry your parents did that and that you had a hard time."

"My parents didn't accept me either," the girl next to me said, placing a hand on mine. "It hurt a lot, but I've slowly realized that if they don't accept me, then I don't need them in my life. It's not easy, I mean... it's a lot to take in. But I've been moving on, and I think with some help, you can start to do that too."

"Thanks," I whispered.

"Kit, can I ask you something?" Macie questioned. I nodded. "Do you miss your friends?"

I let that question sit with me for a moment. "Yes," I answered, my eyes stinging with impending tears. "Yes, I miss them. I've thought about contacting them again, but... I mean why would they want to talk to me now? Now that I've left them?"

"You can't be sure how they'll react," Macie responded, "but you'll never know unless you reach out to them. Does that make sense?"

"Mhm."

"Alright. Anything else you'd like to say?" she inquired sweetly.

I pondered it. "I'm not quite sure why I stopped talking to my friends, but I do miss them... and I think I'll contact them again when I'm ready."