Binded

Séance

Pain.

It was all I knew for the past few weeks. I almost knew sympathy just as well. Day after day, they would flock like vultures to prey. "Sorry for your loss," they would say. "I'm here for you," they would reiterate. So convincing. So much so to the point where I would almost believe these foreign faces. Some faces I haven't seen in years, others I have never seen before.

They would claim to share my sorrows but they didn't know her. Not like I did. She didn't wake them up every morning with a smile on her face and unconditional love in her eyes. She didn't make them runny eggs at 7am or drive them to and from school every week without fail. Those memories were mine — just for me — and I had lost them along with the possibilities of making new memories with her.

I had lost them all on Highway 17 to a drunk driver.

The death of my mother broke me. They would never understand the depth of the void inside of me. The very same void that drove me to travel 3 hours out of town to visit an infamous witch in the hopes of seeing her again. The world whispered of a sorceress in the mountains who could do the impossible. If the whispers were to be believed... she could conjure the souls of the dead.

I've never been one to meddle in the Dark Arts but still I found myself meeting with her on Signal Hill.

The witch, known only as Ember, had given me strict instructions on how to use this spell. She even provided the goat's blood necessary to draw symbols on the walls as well as a red candle to burn when performing the incantation. It was much longer than the average candle and covered in illegible words written in an ancient dialect now spoken only by the witches of this world. The spell is said to have no side effects. The only downside that I saw was that it could only be used once. "Dja Reud Klævym," she called it.

The Final Goodbye.

I guess I'm more fortunate than the rest of the people who have sought her help. I actually got to see my mother the day she died. She was just heading to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I can still remember her last words to me. "Don't forget to check on the chicken in the oven. I'll be back soon. I love you!" she said cheerfully. That was just seconds before she walked out of the door never to return again.

If I had known that would be the last time I ever saw her alive, I would have said it back. I would've forced her to stay. My mind never lets me rest. Ever since the moment the police officers came to the house to inform me of what had happened to her, I've been plagued by thoughts of what I should've, could've, and would've done differently had I known what was coming. I needed closure!

This final goodbye could give me that.

Visions of my mother drove me as I painted the once white walls of her bedroom a deep crimson red in ancient symbols. The goat blood drips down the walls and covers the entire room in a rancid stench.

A small price to pay for salvation.

I finish off with a large circle on the floor and kneel in the centre of it where I light the candle and begin to recite the words of the spell. Ember had written it down on a piece of paper for me. I try to get through it as quickly as possible because I know that as soon as the candle is lit, my time with my mother is just wasting away. We had gone over it once at the cabin but I've never been good under pressure. I'm taking longer than I would have liked to and struggling with a few of the words before I finally reached the English bit.

"Ytrivae... I bind myself to you."

Ember had informed me that when I reach this part, I should slice the palm of my hand and place it down in the centre of the circle. I do so without hesitation and watch the blood pool around it on the hardwood floor. The pain is instant but not unbearable. It isn't enough to stop me from saying the final words of the spell.