In the crowd

Where's the boundary?

Jisung threw himself at me and kissed me, it was very unexpected and surprised me.

It was confusing and not like him at all but at the same time it didn't upset me, he talked about being alone and no one showing any interest in him which I find hard to believe but maybe some of it is right.

After few seconds he pulled away and immediately walked over to the window looking out into the city, "I'm sorry." Jisung mumbled.

I grabbed the robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door and put it on but didn't bother to close it because it didn't matter.

"Jisung, it's fine. It caught me off guard but it's fine, look at me." I spoke.

"I basically assaulted you; it's not right for me to-"

"I get it, but I don't get it. You say you've been alone like me but something like this just doesn't happen, there has to be some deeper meaning." I cut him off.

Jisung was quiet for a while, he had his arms crossed and just looked at the floor standing in front of me.

I've never really known him to be super quiet, he's always loud and chaotic around me and this was weird seeing him quiet...nervous, anxious even.

"You want me to tell you that I've had some sort of feelings for you buried all this time, because yeah I have, and I never wanted to tell you. To be honest it really hurt seeing you this year with the scandal and you getting blamed for everything and with Changbin, even Hyunjin. Hyunjin, I really had hope for the both of you and look what he did to you." Jisung explained.

I sat down on the bed and just sat, I never knew.

My best friend and my first recruit for this group, he's my family and I won't call him my brother because in the back of my mind there was always something nagging at me and this is why.

Something like this happened, I'll bite and say he's cute and adorable. He's hot there's no doubt and I love when he goes off in a song, when he raps it's fucking amazing.

None of this is enough for me to reciprocate his feelings, not the way he wants anyways.

"Normally you'd run away by now." I chuckled.

"I don't want to run Chan, it really took a lot for me to kiss you." Jisung looked at me. "Can't we ju-"

"Forget it happened?" I spoke.

"No, just not let it get between us. Not let it ruin us, just...no real feelings." Jisung mumbled.

I couldn't quite tell what he really wanted, sure not let it ruin our relationship we already have but what else did he want.

Jisung walked over to me and nothing he does surprises me anymore, he's been my rock these past few months and he's been there for me.

He placed both of his hands on my shoulders and sat himself down on my lap straddling me, I always used to see him as this shy little squirrel, he was always anxious and antisocial in the beginning, and he slowly opened up and now he's really being brave.

"Indulge me a little." Jisung spoke.

"Jisung what do you want me to do." I replied.

"Forget feelings, forget everything. I don't want to be lonely." Jisung whispered.

None of this was a good idea.

I almost forgot I had the shower running in the bathroom, I picked Jisung up and carried him in setting him down on the counter of the sink.

Jisung is most definitely a virgin in every sense, I'm pretty sure he can't handle me, and I don't want to hurt him but from the looks of it he's very determined.

I took my robe off and hung it back up, I was still only in my boxers and Jisung didn't care, and he was eyeing me plenty already.

Like I've said before we've all seen each other half naked before I mean we fucking live together and we're guys.

We don't give two shits.

"You know it's going to hurt." I spoke softly.

"I know." Jisung replied.

I'm not going to make it entirely comfortable for him, he wants to not have any feelings involved so this is what he'll get.

Anyone would tell me no, don't do this and leave him alone. Some might say maybe I'm taking advantage of him or using him; sure, they might be right. However, he wants me to, he's not being shy about this or having any second thoughts.

Jisung wants this through and through.

Maybe this makes me a bad guy, a bad friend or a complete asshole but he's been there for me and now I'm going to do the same.

"I know it won't be pretty; I just want you." Jisung looked at me.

I took a step towards Jisung, I reached for his shirt and pulled it up over his head and tossed it to the ground.

He definitely works out; however his tattoos surprised me.

It may have been a hot minute since I've seen him without a shirt on, it does not disappoint though.

"I'm surprised the boss let you get these." I traced his tattoos with my fingers.

"He wasn't thrilled but it's my choice and my body. I just can't really show them." Jisung chcukled.

"But they need to be seen." I leaned in and kissed the one on his right side.

Jisung shivered at my touch, but his hands found their way into my hair and his fingers tangled with my hair as I continued to kiss along his chest and just below his collar bone.

I let my lips find their way up to his neck, leaving open mouthed kisses up and down while he still had a grip on me. Jisung's breath hitched each time, and he was being so still just letting me do whatever.

"I'll give you time to back out Ji." I whispered into his ear.

Jisung giggled softly, he grabbed my face cupping it between his hands and making me look at him.

His eyes were playful, and his smile was so hard to look away from.

He wanted this from start to finish.

"Don't give up on me." Jisung spoke.

Most of the time there would be a fine line you'd never want to cross; I've been trying to find it now and it's hard.

Jisung never gave up on me even when I pushed him away, even when he suffered because of me and that stupid scandal. Jisung never gave up.

Neither will I.