The book of snippets

Burn my house down

But he just wants to be there, do something, to make it all okay...

And Abir smiles because Kunal is here...

He can't take his eyes off him, cause looking at anything else will probably make him cry...

But he wants to cry now too cause Nanko is here...

He asks him how he is? What he's done? Why?

And Abir lies, he hates lies, but he's done it countless times for Kunal and will do it for countless more times. He hates lying to Kunal more than he hates lying, after all that was why he was so bereft all this time, he'd finally had it all again... but...

But...

He lies still, cause he will do that too. He did worse after all.

He asks him if Kunal will always be with him. Kunal says yes, cause of course, how could either of them ever say no? Even when they were  fighting each other, even when they were enemies, they'd always been by each other's side... sometimes on the opposite... but always there... they've never known to be anywhere else.

"Tho bas fir" he says, "mujhe aur kuch nahin chahiye..."

It's just another lie, it's the only truth.

It's the wrong thing to do, wrong for him, wrong for her, wrong for them, wrong for their families, wrong for everything that's right.

Yet, it's what he'd do. No one would have to coerce him, to manipulate him... if he was pushed into that spot, it's what he'd do.

He'd do the wrong thing...

He was never going to do anything else. Deep down he knew it, he knows his mother knew it as surely as she knew how to breathe.

For a moment he wonders, if that was her gamble, but then he scorns, even if he knew it was a gamble he was never going to take it.

-

Mishti comes to him with her heart in her strong delicate hands, their future wrapped around her fingers.

Looking at her, knowing he won't tell her anything except hurtful lies, he can feel hell's hands wrapping around his arms, pulling into the pit.

He doesn't resist, he'd already jumped.

She begs him for an answer, for the truth, he can feel her breath wrapping around him. He wants to give in so badly, to her voice when it shakes, "tum mujhse pyaar karthe ho Abir.."

But he remembers what it was like to have Kunal in his arms and then imagines what it would feel like to not have that, he can't.

"Nahin"

It's entirely easy, it's the most difficult thing he'd ever done.

Later she leaves with broken pieces of both their hearts and he's there, mourning.

He's supposes he'll do that a lot, mourn their love, mourn them, mourn his dreams and hers too and so much more.