Perennial Rose | {Levi x OC} | Shingeki no Kyojin |

Chapter 33: Subconscious Benevolence

His sweet and savory words never cease to relieve my stress. I consume them in all their glory as we sit together in the comforting shade.

"You're right," I confirm. "But if I were one of them, I would have been scared of such a strict squad leader. I was probably scarier than you. You can get pretty terrifying."

Levi's firm knuckle pushes the temple of my head and I fall on my elbow at such abrupt force. "That's nonsense, you idiot."

I laugh at his form of playfulness. I find it so precious; these little moments are like gems hidden in a pile of gravel and I want to find each and every one of them. I have suddenly found more and more of them after I had gone through the strenuous four months of Levi's intense training. Perhaps we had gotten a bit closer as fellow soldiers during this time...

After positioning myself back to how I was originally sitting, I tell him, "I don't want my squad to fear me, though. I've always heard of soldiers telling each other stories in their barracks, and I think it's really meaningful to have such a close relationship. I want to have this good bond with them. It's just that the way things are going now, I might forever be an intimidating leader to my subordinates."

Levi finally turns his head to look at me, his hair brushing against his straight eyeslashes in the process. "That kind of relationship is reliant on how willing you want such a thing. I've never felt the need to do this with my squad. Of course, we have the types of talks that you and I are having now, but it's never been as intimate as sharing stories with each other and all that crap."

He does seem to speak truthfully. Levi is a very independent man; it would make sense for him to lack this intimate comradeship with his subordinates. However, I know that he fully trusts and respects his squad wholeheartedly. He wouldn't have chosen them otherwise.

Confidently knowing that he will turn down my offer, I jokingly tell him, "Well, if you ever feel lonely, I'll always be in that balcony every night. Who knows? Maybe you do have a small longing to exchange some stories with your comrades."

He furrows his finely shaped eyebrows and glares at me. "Tch. Why would I want to listen to you gawk over how pretty the sky is? You wouldn't even be telling any stories because the only things that come out of your mouth are stupid poems about every little detail in the world."

"I'm kidding, Levi. If you wanted to exchange stories with your comrades, you would do so with your own squad. Who would waste time building comradeship with someone who doesn't even work closely with you?"

He gives me a solemn look and answers, "An idiot."

/~・~/

The buzz of soldiers' conversations fills the mess hall with a comforting atmosphere.

However, no such buzz comes from my table.

My squad members eat their meals quietly; their mouths are filled with food and are empty of the words that shoud be flying out of them. At least it isn't the food that is doing the flying.

Even Luki, who usually eats like a crazed hog, has slowed down his consumption of his warm potatoes, bland soup, and stale bread.

"You all have not yet said a word about your experience with the Special Operations Squad today. Is something the matter?" I ask as I plop a piece of bread in my mouth.

Ilyse mumbles something inaudible while holding her bread against her lips. Her short hair hides her face and she continues with her mumbling.

Lissa sighs and says, "I think what Ilyse is trying to explain is that we have too many weaknesses compared to the Special Operations Squad. And we sure feel pathetic."