When The Puppet Falls For The Puppeteer

The Pull I Can't Escape

"Next time, do something for me just because you want to. Without purpose. Like you did last night. At least I thought that was without purpose"

Then he turned away, already done with the conversation.

"I—I didn't mean—" My voice trailed off. The weight of his disappointment hit harder than it should have.

"Leave," he said, not looking at me.

I walked out, shutting the door quietly behind me. My feet took me to my room on their own. I closed the door and leaned against it, letting out a long breath.

Why do I even try?

I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. My fingers itched for my journal.

I got up and sat at my desk, flipping to the last entry. I could still feel the echo of last night in my bones. When he opened up to me. When he let himself be vulnerable, for once. He didn't ask me to stay, but I did. I stayed because I wanted to. I wanted to hold him, to soothe him, to protect him. I couldn't fall for him. Not like this. Not when I wasn't sure where he ended and I began.

Dan's voice echoed in my head again—what he said after seeing the painting I did of Marcus' eyes "....what I see in these, is just the desire to hurt you. You are falling for the man who will be the end of you Myra" 

Was I? Was I falling for him? Is that the reason why I couldn't let go?

He says I belong to him. I've said it too, to keep the peace. To keep things from getting worse. But deep down... did I start believing it?

I flipped back a few pages in my journal. My own handwriting felt like it belonged to someone else.. I belong here. I feel safe here. He takes care of me. I read the words that I wrote. Am I? He do keep me safe but is this love? What is this? What is this feeling called?

Do I really believe that? He does keep me safe. But is this love? Or survival?

My thoughts spun back to the night he kissed me and whispered "You're mine. That's all you need to remember."

Was that love?

A knock on the door jolted me out of my spiral.

"What's up Mayoress?" I turned towards the cheerful voice

"Ash!" I gave her a look on the name that she said.

She grinned and strolled in. "Don't give me that look—you'll get used to the title eventually."

I shook my head with a small smile and walked over to her, pulling her in.

"So this is your room" she asked looking around. 

"Yeah. He brought pretty much everything from my old place." Her gaze moved from the tasseled pillows to the seashell mirror, to the framed photos and the closet.

"He really recreated it, huh?" she said. "It's almost identical."

"Yeah... just a little bigger."

"Well, good. You won't be missing anything," she said casually, flopping down onto the bed.

I forced a smile. Only I knew how much I missed going back. This might look like my room—but it wasn't mine. That one was. That one had freedom tucked between the curtains.

"How come you are here?"

"Just woke up darling. I was here the whole night. Perks of such a big mansion, no one knows" she said with a wink.

"So, you had a good night?" I asked, curling my legs up on the bed.

Ash beamed. "The team won. Dan made the final touchdown, obviously I had a good night, babe."

I laughed. "God, you two are actual couple goals, aren't you?"

She gave me a playful nudge. "Your coffee's getting cold," she said, eyeing the untouched mug—the one Marcus handed back without taking a sip.

"Yeah, its not - " I muttered.

Before I could stop her, she grabbed it and took a sip.

"Yuck—what the fuck is this?" she gagged, practically choking. "When did you start drinking poison?"

I snorted. "It wasn't mine. I made it for Marcus. He didn't want it, so I brought it here."

Ash made a face. "Of course it's his. Bitter, just like the man himself."

We dissolved into giggles, chatted for a while longer, the easy kind of comfort I hadn't felt in weeks. And then it was time for her to leave.

I walked her downstairs, trailing behind her—still smiling—when I collided right into someone on the staircase.

Marcus.

He caught me by the elbow before I stumbled back.

"I know you can't resist me, Red," he murmured with a wink, "but how many times are you going to fall for me?"

My face flushed. I hated that it did.

He smirked and brushed past us, offering a mock bow to Ash on the way down. "Don't let her trip on her feelings."

Ash rolled her eyes so hard I could hear it.

"Oh for God's sake," she hissed, once he was out of earshot. "Are you blushing right now?"

I schooled my face into something blank. "Of course not."

She narrowed her eyes. "Sure."

I opened the front door for her. She walked out with a dramatic sigh, tossing her hair. "Call me when your sanity returns."

I laughed. "I'll put it on my calendar."

As the door clicked shut, I stood there a second longer, still smiling.

Even when I shouldn't have. You are going crazy Myra