The Unread Letters For John (Revised Version)

Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Despite It All, I Still Loved You

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I still couldn't understand why you did this to me. I kept searching for answers, trying to piece together the puzzle scattered in my mind. Maybe the truth was simple: I was never enough for you. And maybe... that was all there was to it.

They say love can lead you to beautiful places. But for me, it led only to suffering.

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Four months later, and I still hadn't moved on. The pain lingered like an uninvited guest who never planned to leave. I thought time would ease the ache, that the days would pass and carry my grief away with them. But no-every sunrise reminded me of the day you left, and every night whispered your absence like a cruel lullaby.

I stopped crying-not because the pain vanished, but because my tears simply gave up. They ran dry. But the wounds you left? They never stopped bleeding. They remained fresh, like it all happened just yesterday.

And in the middle of that quiet agony, the only thought that brought me a sliver of hope was this:

"At least he's happier."

How selfless... or maybe how foolish of me to think that way. Even now, if you came back with a broken heart, I'd still welcome you with open arms. I'd gladly pick up your shattered pieces, just to feel your presence again-even for a moment.

That's how deep it was. That's how lost I still am.

Because after everything, I still love you.
I'm still standing in the same place you left me-waiting.
Still clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, we'd get another chance.

But I don't know anymore...

I never got the answers to the questions I buried deep inside:
Why didn't you wait for me?
Was I too late, or was I never meant to stay in your story?
Was I just a chapter-a lesson you needed?
A girl who taught you how to love, how to be a man... but never how to love me?

I was left alone on that imaginary road, waiting for you to return and walk beside me again. We once promised we'd reach the light together-but where are you now?

Gone.

And I couldn't move forward. My feet stayed frozen in the same spot, stuck in the darkness you left behind.

Maybe you left because I made it too hard for you to stay. Maybe you felt trapped-by my sadness, my silence, my inability to let go. Maybe that's why it was so easy for you to find someone else.

And this... this is the life after you.

I became bitter. I became someone I didn't recognize-immature and angry at love itself. I started running from it, feeding my ego instead of my heart. I entertained the wrong people, used them to fill the void you left behind, even when I already knew the truth:

It was always you.

But what was I supposed to do with a love that belonged to someone else?
What could I possibly do when you were already taken?

So I used others to forget you.
And every time I did, it felt like betrayal-not just to you, but to myself.
Because deep down, I didn't want them.
I was just afraid...
Afraid to be lonely.

Two years passed..

The school reopened.

I wasn't ready to see you.
I wasn't ready to break all over again.
But I had no choice-I had to study.

I had changed-physically and emotionally. My appearance was different. I wore glasses now. I looked like someone new.

Still, my heart betrayed me.

I felt nervous... and strangely excited. I convinced myself you wouldn't recognize me. That I was just another stranger in a crowded hallway.

And then-

As I stepped out of my classroom on the third floor and began heading downstairs, a sharp pain hit my chest. It was like my soul knew something before my eyes did. Still, I ignored it. I just wanted to go home.

Until I reached the next floor...

And I saw you.

You were standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking right at me.

My heart dropped.
Tears welled up behind my eyes, and I fought to keep them from falling.
There you were, after all these years... and I had to pretend I didn't know you.

I walked past you, trying to seem indifferent.
But I could feel your gaze.
I could feel it burn into me, like a memory that refused to fade.

And in that moment, I knew.
I never moved on.
I never healed.

I was just distracted.
Just feeding my ego with temporary fixes.

But the truth remained-
Despite all the pain,
Despite all the years,
Despite everything...

I still loved you.

And yet, the hardest part of it all...
Was realizing how easily you looked at me-
Like I never existed in your story in the first place.

-kzraem