Finding 4

I'M SCARED

   KENDRICK Lamar and Jay Rock's Money Trees played from the stereo in Lily's room as I lay on her bed an hour later, freshly showered and changed, while watching her lightly poke her stomach, standing in front of a mirror with only a sparkly pink thong and oversized shirt on.

Hand on my heart, it was the best sight a lad could ever see, and what made it even better was that I was the only lad who got to witness the view.

Slowly, I raked my eyes down her entire body for the sixth time in the last five minutes with my dick straining against my sweats.

I never planned to have kids—never wanted any—but I couldn't be more grateful that I was having a kid with the girl standing before me.

There was still a fuck ton that I needed to learn about Lily, and I would. I wanted to know everything about her.

Despite not knowing everything about her now, I still knew in my heart that she would be a great mother.

"What are you thinking about?" I mused, tucking my hands under my head.

"That you've got good music taste," she hummed, pulling her shirt back down over her stomach before whirling around to face me with that smile that lights up any room she walks into. "And," she drawled, walking toward me, "how to bring up to you that we need to talk."

Ah, shit.

I knew we needed to talk about our future, but I was afraid to be the one to bring it up so soon after the shit storm we had been through in the last 24 hours.

"About the baby?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Nodding her head, she crawled onto the bed and straddled my lap, looking down at me with a troubled look. "We're young," she mumbled. "Really young, Rian."

Sighing, I placed my hands on her knees, moving them up to her thighs. "With shit-paying jobs," I added, lifting my hips to move her off my hard dick, because this really wasn't the time for those thoughts starting to fill my head. "But if you want to do this—for us to be parents, then I'll stay right by your side."

I wasn't ready to be a father.

Was anyone at my age?

But if she truly knew we could do this and that she wanted to keep the baby, then I wouldn't leave her.

No matter what, I would stay right by her side, be her lover, and a father to our baby.

I would give them both the future they deserved.

"I had a dream," she croaked out, tears filling her eyes as she placed a hand on her stomach. "I was supposed to go to college and become a lawyer."

"Then you will," I promised, moving her hair away from her face. "If you keep the baby, then I'll stay home during the day to take care of it and find a night job. You do the nights and I'll do the day, okay? It'll be hard, princess, but we'll make it happen."

You'll achieve your dreams.

"We'll need to find a place," she noted, wiping at her eyes. "Even if it's just a one-room, shitty apartment. I doubt Keith will allow me to stay here with a baby and your parents...Uh, I..."

"They wouldn't let us stay with them." I won't let us stay with them.

Over my dead fucking body would I raise a child or bring Lily into the hell I was born into.

Exhaling a ragged breath, she laid down on my chest, snaking her arms around my shoulders. "I'm scared," she whispered, sniffling. "Wouldn't it be unfair of us to bring a child into this world when we're so young and unprepared?"

I wasn't sure.

The main example I had of the outcome was with myself and how I felt toward my parents for birthing me into abuse and alcoholism.

But I wasn't Teddy Lynch, and Lily wasn't Marie Lynch.

We weren't my parents.

And I knew we never would be.

"I'm not sure, baby," I admitted, wrapping my arms around her. "We'll take a few more days to think about this, okay? We'll figure out a plan, and if it seems impossible, then we'll know what to do."

"I can't tell my Mam anything until we're ready," she mumbled, snuggling into my chest. "If we keep the baby, then we'll tell her. But if we don't...she can't know anything, Rian. She's got her opinions on abortion, and I can't handle it from her."

I wasn't going to tell anyone else shit unless she asked.

"I'll be by your side through everything," I promised, pulling the blanket over us while turning onto my side. "I promise, Lily."

"I know," she whispered, cracking a small yawn while closing her eyes. "I love you, Rian."

Faintly smiling, I kissed her forehead. "I love you, too, princess."

-Author Note-
ik this is short but writers block won't stop royally kicking my ass.

seriously, i'm getting a damn beating from writers block atm.