Finding 4

IT WAS ALL MY FAULT

   BY Wednesday night, I was fucking exhausted.

Between taking care of the boys with help from Shan and Joe—who decided to stay home—and worrying over the girl who he found high off her tree at Shane Holland's, I'd been stressed the hell out.

I almost went to school on Tuesday and today, but when I remembered just why Lily touched oxy, I decided it was probably best I skipped school altogether this week.

She was already going through enough, and I refused to make it worse.

If I could, I'd transfer right back to BCS just so she'd never have to see me again.

But according to Mam, leaving Tommen wasn't a choice.

I knew why.

Because of all the money she had forked out to pay for my tuition at that private school.

"Do you think the rain will ease soon?" Shan quietly asked me after dinner, using a tea towel to dry the dishes I washed and passed to her. "Ols was looking forward to going to the park after school tomorrow."

Shrugging, I passed her a washed bowl. "It's Ireland, Shan," I teased her with a small smile that didn't ache much anymore. "It's always raining around this time of year."

"True," she agreed, placing the bowl into the cupboard beside her legs.

Sitting at the table behind us, Mam's cigarette smoke wafted through the kitchen as I felt her eyes burn into the side of my face.

It took her a full day before she noticed the state of my face, and when she did, she actually cared for once.

Either that or she just wanted to make it seem like she cared.

Hence why I didn't hold much hope that she might actually start loving me now.

"Something you want to say?" I decided to ask then, turning to lock eyes with my mam who blinked a few times. "I know I'm not your golden Darren, but surely I'm not that painful to look at."

I knew my words hit the mark when she darted her eyes down to the table, taking a drag of her cigarette.

There were times when it really hit me just how strained our relationship was.

I didn't want this for either of us.

We could've had a healthy son/mother relationship.

...If she just left that bastard watching the television.

Blowing out a tired breath, I finished the last of the dishes before walking around Shan and opening the freezer. Grabbing out a pack of peas, I didn't bother wrapping it in a cloth and just pressed it to my left eye.

It wasn't swollen anymore, but Shan and the younger boys couldn't stand to see it.

The sight made them pale.