Our Space

Chapter 4

But these thoughts had stopped affecting Sami. They didn't make him feel better or more grateful. Rather they made him feel worse for being ungrateful on top of all the feelings of loneliness.

"I hate this!" Sami said, rubbing his face in frustration. He looked ahead at the wall in front of him.

He couldn't confide in his parents or his sister, nor did he wish to. His best friend was busy with his marriage. He hadn't spoken to his other best friend on over a year since he started straying from Islam and got involved in drug dealing and such. He definitely couldn't talk to any of his other friends, no matter how understanding they were. They all thought he was an easy going guy who smiled a lot. Not only was he not close enough to confide in them, but he didn't want to ruin that image he'd unintentionally created. He didn't want to phone his Shaykh because he respected him and didn't want to look like a fool.

If only Uncle Ahsan was still around. Sami chided himself for thinking 'if only' when what had happened was what Allah had ordained. There was goodness in it, even if Sami was blind to it. Instead, Sami thought about what Uncle Ahsan's advice would have been to him. He remembered Uncle Ahsan saying that when a person is upset, they shouldn't stay alone.

"The irony," Sami scoffed. He wasn't meant to be alone today. He was meant to be out, playing football. All his plans had been ruined and now Sami didn't want to do anything but sulk. It was because he was alone that he was upset!

After a lot of sighing and building frustration, Sami fell to his knees in front of his Lord, unable to take any more of the pain.

"Ya Allah!" He prayed, raising his hands. "I am your servant and you are my Lord. Please forgive me for being ungrateful and for feeling like this despite all the blessings you have granted me with. I pray to you, my Master, help me through this. Help me save enough money for a flat and aid me in finding a suitable spouse who will love me. But most of all, help me to remain patient and give me peace and contentment during the trying time that it will take. Help me strengthen my iman(3) and find peace and contentment in worshipping you. Forgive me and help me, for I am in dire need of your help." Sami blinked back tears as he finished his du'a(4) saying, "Ameen."

Sami decided to indulge in some dhikr(5) to pass the time, and the depressing feeling eased a little. But the discomfort stayed with him for the rest of the day until he fell asleep.

***

Radia had gotten over the conversation with her parents. She was too stressed about her exams to be stressed over anything else. But then she got a reminder of her situation as being unable to marry because her parents thought she was too young.

It was the first time Radia had ever gotten a proposal and she was extremely flattered. She was also pleasantly surprised. She always thought that her proposals were going to be from the parents of a potential who would contact her parents.

Though Radia never fully expressed this to anyone, the reason she thought this way was because of her acne. A rather silly reason seeing that a lot of girls had acne. But Radia's was slightly different and a little more severe. Rather than small red pimples, Radia had small cysts which were very apparent. Radia tried her best not to let this cystic acne get her too down. Sometimes, she thought no one would want to marry her because of it but then she reminded herself that not all the men in the world were jerks.

And this was proof. Someone had proposed to her instead of her friends who had clear, or almost clear skin. It was a flawless skinned friend of hers who told her a classmate's friend had taken an interest in her.

Radia's immediate thoughts went to her parents. They clearly showed that they didn't plan on agreeing to Radia getting married any time soon. She'd managed to get them to allow her to work instead of going to university but the tension from the last conversation about marriage hadn't completely cooled off. There was no way Radia was going to be approaching that subject again. Not for a good while.