The New Boy in Town (ON HOLD)

Chapter 15: "Bacon and Math Questions"

Skinny love

(N.)

- When two people love each other, but are too shy/afraid to admit it, yet they show it anyways.

They say souls are made up of stars,

His must be made up of the moon

Ethan

All my life, I have had trouble sleeping. Every time I put my head to the pillow, random, awful thoughts would plagiarize my brain so brutally that I would have no choice but to close my eyes and hope that the voices in my head would lower their loud echoes. I tossed and turned the entire night, and I usually just stared at the ceiling in the dark, being unable to see anything. It felt all the more heavier at night, each word felt so much more real in the darkness, and after hours upon hours of just staring blankly into the darkness of the night, I would fall asleep when my eyes would be watering and my eyelids didn't have energy to stay up anymore.

I never had dreams, but I never had nightmares either. Whenever I slept, no matter how comfortably or uncomfortably, I would never see anything in my sleep, and I woke up feeling a little bit emptier than I did the day before. There were no flashbacks, no hurtful visions, no happy memories, nothing. It was only darkness, which made me feel like there was a hole in my heart.

But when I slept next to Elliot,

Everything seemed so much brighter,

Everything seemed so much clearer,

Everything seemed so much more beautiful,

Even in my sleep.

I woke up to the sound of someone calling my name, while simultaneously jostling my body. I opened my eyes and came face to face with a storm itself, brewing silently in the midst of all the beauty, and all the destruction. Despite spending so much time with him, I was always dazzled by his eyes. They were bluer than the clearest waters and darker than the deepest glaciers, and it seemed like they were every color, everything all at the same time. They were icy, and yet they kept me warm, they were stormy, and yet they kept me safe.

He gently smiled at me, our faces close, his heat radiating off him in waves. His eyes were warm too, causing a fuzzy feeling to make itself into my chest, one which seemed to tickle at my insides. He pulled away from me, and muttered a good morning, one which I barely heard since I was still too dazzled by his eyes.

That's when I noticed it. How comfortable I felt. How comfortably I had slept. My shoulders were relaxed, as if someone had just soothingly massaged them, and my head felt dizzy, but the good kind of dizzy, the kind you feel when you just had the best nap of your life. A content sigh left my lips and I felt like my brain was empty, and yet, it was so full. For the very first time in my entire life, I didn't feel exhausted even after sleeping for so many hours. I felt exhilarated. I felt alive.

Last night's events suddenly came flooding back to me, making me feel heavy, like someone had just put a boulder on my shoulders. For some odd reason, they didn't tire me out like everything else seemed to. Instead, they made me feel connected to him. It made me feel like he had taken a chunk of his own heart and filled the hole in mine, so I wouldn't be able to remove him from my veins without bleeding. I felt like there was a side to him no one had ever seen, not even God himself, somebody else who existed within his physical body, and he had just shown me that person without hesitation. The thought alone made me feel raw, like someone had taken all my skin and exposed my bare veins to the world, but at the same time, it made me feel like I could feel him beat in my very veins.