Chapter One: A Dream
‘Outside this window it’s all so green. It’s all as beautiful as we go over and over every park and building. Even more beautiful is the wind… it moves my hair to the side and the cold it’s so sweet as it’s strokes my face from side to side. But what is it I’m searching for? In reality I’m looking at nothing because I have nothing to look at… nowhere to go nothing to do and now I’m just rambling about. Deep in thought again.’ And indeed he was, Kamden used to do this so often, seemingly asleep but awake watching and thinking deep inside his brain hollow of happiness. When the bus hit a hole in the freeway it jumped up to reality again.
‘Damn it that has been strong… I’ve hit my head against the roof and it’s hurting. Philip can you be more careful when you are driving!’ yelled a girl tearing his thoughts apart. She had a Spanish accent. Kamden examined her, thoughtful of her accent. ‘I’ll be more careful!’ grumbled the driver in his everlasting rant. ‘This damn kids…!’
‘Colombian…? Perhaps it’s an Equatorial accent? Or am I wrong?’
‘Spaniard but don’t try it Kam it’s not going to work, it never does.’ Her rejection was quick and ruthless it only crossed Kamden’s mind as a normal fact rather than a surprise being a ladies’ man was nowhere near his expertise to say the least, even when he wasn’t trying to be one apparently his brain though raising an eyebrow at her.
‘Not surprised, but I’m not trying anything. I don’t get why people always think I do though… it’s weird. ‘Regret on his words was always present as a part of him. Now that I think about it Kamden had many things to regret.
‘Kamden! It’s so good to know you are done with your desperation stage! I remember you tried to hit on like three girls because you’ve never had a girlfriend. Is it true though? I don’t mean it as an offense but I can only wonder, is it true?’ Ah Paula was happy it was right there in her eyes as she rose to her knees over that small seat… always scared to fall should we hit a hole.
Kamden lowered his head down below looking at the floor. It was shame always bigger than him. It came to his mind sighting one more thing to regret later today. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, the truth was there. Always alone his body had wandered this world unloved and when dead, un-mourned. ‘I don’t try to hit on people Paula, but oh well.’ Now sighting ‘I have always been alone… No one has ever loved me that much will be true now and after.’
‘Oh love; you are such a fool for not trying it really! Like, what is wrong with you? Why wouldn’t you have a lover?’
‘I don’t know. No one is attracted I suppose, I don’t blame them.’ He was now sad, depressed. What was it that made him so lonely, why did no one ever like him? All weighted down on him now. Now looking down he continued. ‘There’s just something wrong on me maybe. It’s just the wasteland of my life.’
Ah but Paula wasn’t stupid and as she detected the sadness in him the conversation turned away from his feelings. Away from somewhere Paula could be criticized when a glance at the window allowed an explosion to hit her mind! ‘Oh fuck look at that! Right there in the building entrance!’
‘What is it...?’Whispered Kamden uninterested, paying only attention to his suffering and the fact no one seemed to care, but it wasn’t something new so he turned around. Next to him turned everybody in the bus, six or more persons to look at what was happening so curious it became blatantly obvious and disgusting or at least stupid to Kamden’s eyes. Its two girls kissing... reminds me of Romeo and Juliet. But in the back of his mind he only reflected upon his pain.
‘I swear that is so disgusting. How can a woman kiss another woman? It’s weird and kind of ugh… like wouldn’t it be weird for you if suddenly Gaby and I started kissing?’ Paula reeked of intolerance as she spoke on and on about how bad it was.
