Fire In Our Bones (NovaHD)

Chapter 20

James had felt pain before, but nothing like this. Nothing like the agony that coursed through his body, starting at his heart. Aleks was dead and he was never coming back. He was gone. All James had ever wanted was for Aleks to be safe, to be happy and he had failed him. James' best friend--no, James' love had been driven away by him and nothing could ever ease the pain. Everything that was, everything that could have been was broken, crumbling on the ground and it was more than he could bear.

Right now, he was curled in a ball on the forest floor, clutching Aleks' most prized possession to his chest. It was all he had left. That and a few coarse words of a stranger ringing in his mind: it doesn't matter because he's dead. He had been right, of course. Nothing mattered now.

Until the name 'Cooper' came suddenly to mind along with the image of him struggling, his foot trapped beneath a root. James couldn't just leave him back there alone. Aleks would never forgive him if he did. So he got to his feet shakily, angrily swiping tears from his cheeks. He slipped the pistol into his pocket numbly and tried to get his bearings. The effort was half hearted, but he finally determined which direction he had come from and slowly, he began to walk that way. Each footstep hurt, but James would do it. For Aleks.

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Aleks lay on the cot, staring up at the canvas ceiling and wishing he were anywhere but here. But if he were to leave, where would he go? A small voice in the back of his mind kept saying James' name, but he was ignoring it. As if James would take him back. It would be so pathetic, Aleks could hardly think about it. No, he wouldn't go running back, even after discovering his feelings. He had fucked up everything, especially that.

He was torn from his disparaging thoughts by someone opening up the tent flap and coming inside. He refused to look over.

"Ever heard of knocking?" he asked.

"Have you ever tried knocking on a tent?" Kyle said wryly. "It doesn't work out too well."

Aleks responded with cold silence. After a minute, he heard Kyle sigh.

"Look, Aleks," he started uncertainly. "I know you're upset about Sam and I'm sorry about that, but I have a feeling something else is bothering you and if you want to talk about it, well, I'm all ears."

Aleks finally looked at him, meeting his concerned and slightly sheepish gaze.

"You wouldn't understand," he muttered, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"Try me."

Aleks wondered what he should tell him, if anything. He desperately wanted to ask about Cooper, but didn't know if he should risk it. Finally, he decided.

"It's about my friend," he said slowly. "The one I told you about."

"The one you left?" Kyle asked. Aleks nodded.

"His name is James. And I...I miss him. A lot."

"Are you regretting your decision?"

"God, I don't know," Aleks moaned, putting his head in his hands. "Maybe? I'm not going back though."

"Why not?" Kyle asked, sounding confused. "If you regret it, why shouldn't you?"

"Because he probably wouldn't want me back. Why should he?"

Kyle laughed suddenly, startling Aleks.

"Sorry," he said, composing himself. "It just sounds like you guys broke up or something. Were you together?"