Heartbeats and Algorithms

Chapter 22: Striving for More

**Jasmine**

The hustle of the holiday season had come and gone, and now we were back to our normal routines. New York City was a distant memory, but the energy of the trip—our kisses at midnight, the Broadway shows, and the excitement of it all—lingered in the back of my mind, like the sweet aftertaste of a favorite meal. But reality had set in, and both Xavier and I were back in the grind, working harder than ever as we chased after our respective goals.

Xavier had always been ambitious, and lately, I could see the shift in him. He was putting in longer hours at work, staying late to get ahead on projects, preparing for what he hoped would be a well-deserved promotion. I admired his dedication, but I couldn't ignore the subtle change in him. His usual easy going demeanor had been replaced with an intensity I hadn't seen before. It wasn't that he was any less present—he still made time for me, for us—but there was a new drive in his eyes, a hunger for something more.

"Another late night?" I asked one evening, watching him pack up his bag as I sat at the kitchen table, still working through a bug that was proving difficult to fix.

He paused, glancing at me with a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Yeah, just trying to get ahead before the meeting next week. You know how it is."

I nodded, though I felt a pang of concern. I knew he was working hard, but there was something about this recent push that felt different. It wasn't just about meeting deadlines or finishing projects—it was about proving something.

"I get it," I said, trying to sound supportive, even though I didn't entirely understand the pressure he was putting on himself.

But honestly, I couldn't blame him. I, too, had been working late, my own ambition and desire for a promotion at Ally Financial pushing me to go above and beyond. I'd been doing a lot of thinking about my future—how I wanted to continue growing as a software engineer, maybe even shift into product management in the next couple of years. The thought of leading projects, making bigger decisions, and having a more significant impact was something I couldn't shake. It wasn't going to be easy. I knew that.

Xavier leaned down to kiss my forehead, pulling me from my thoughts. "I won't be late," he promised, his hand lingering on my cheek. "I'll grab us takeout on the way home, yeah?"

I smiled, appreciating the gesture, but there was still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I watched him leave, the door clicking softly behind him, and tried to focus back on my work. But my thoughts kept drifting back to Xavier, his newfound intensity, and my own mounting pressure to succeed.

---

The next few days were a blur of work. Late nights spent coding, early mornings spent with coffee in hand, trying to get ahead before the next sprint cycle. I had a meeting with my manager about a potential promotion, but I couldn't shake the anxiety in my chest. Would they notice all the hard work I'd put in? Would they see the effort I was making to improve processes, fix bugs faster, and contribute to the bigger picture?

I was trying to balance it all—my health, my relationship, and my career—but it was starting to feel like I was juggling too much. Each time I looked at the calendar, another deadline loomed over me. The pressure wasn't just about my job—it was about proving to myself that I was capable of more, that I could handle the weight of these responsibilities and still come out on top.

"Hey, how's it going?" Destiny's voice broke through my thoughts as she leaned against my desk. "You look like you've been burning the candle at both ends."

I sighed, dropping my hands from the keyboard and rubbing my temples. "I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle, you know? I want that promotion so badly, but I'm also wondering if I'm pushing myself too hard."

Destiny, ever the voice of reason, leaned in and sat on the edge of my desk. "Look, I get it. You're ambitious, and you've been putting in the work. But you also have to recognize when it's too much. Don't lose yourself in the grind. It's okay to slow down sometimes."

I shook my head, frustrated. "I can't. I can't slow down. There's so much to do."

Destiny smiled gently, a knowing look in her eyes. "I get it, but don't forget to take care of yourself. Remember, your health comes first. Everything else will follow."

I nodded, feeling the weight of her words settle in. It was something I needed to hear. As much as I wanted to push forward, I couldn't keep ignoring the fact that I was starting to run on empty.

---

Later that evening, I joined Xavier for dinner at a local Italian place. It had become a bit of a tradition for us—a way to unwind, to talk about everything except work. But even here, in the middle of a quiet restaurant, I could see the tiredness in his eyes.

"How's everything going with the promotion stuff?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

He glanced at me, a faint smile pulling at his lips, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's good. Just... a lot of work, you know?"

I nodded, feeling a bit of guilt stir within me. I understood what he was going through, but I couldn't help but wish we could just take a break from it all.

"You don't seem as relaxed as you usually are," I said, my voice soft with concern. "You're working really hard, Xavier. Is everything okay?"

He sighed, setting his fork down and meeting my gaze. "I'm fine. Just... I've got to keep pushing if I want to get that promotion. You know how it is."

I nodded again, but my heart ached seeing him this way. "I know," I said quietly. "I'm pushing, too."

The silence between us stretched for a moment before Xavier reached across the table and took my hand, his grip firm. "I know we're both striving for more, Jasmine. But don't burn yourself out. We've got to find a way to balance it all."

I squeezed his hand in return, grateful for his support. "You're right. We've got to take care of ourselves, too."

But as I sat there with him, I couldn't help but wonder if both of us were still too focused on the finish line to stop and appreciate where we were in the moment. We were chasing promotions, yes, but maybe the real success was finding balance, staying grounded, and remembering to enjoy life outside of the work.

---

As we left the restaurant, I felt a small sense of peace settle over me. I still had a long way to go—professionally, personally—but I wasn't alone in this journey. And as long as we could lean on each other, I knew we'd find a way through it all. Together.