Main Beta hu : Stuck in Time Loop

Chapter - 6 Main βeta hu

Arjun had grown up and was doing a job. One day, now in present day [2024], he was coming back to home from office at late night. The metro hummed with its usual mechanical rhythm as Arjun leaned against the cold steel pole, his bag slung over one shoulder, his tie loosened from the day's grind. The familiar anonymity of the crowd engulfed him—the hum of muted conversations, the faint music leaking from someone's earphones, and the occasional scrape of a shoe against the floor. The world moved, indifferent as always, while Arjun stood still, lost in his thoughts.

He had spent his life chasing an elusive dream—a sense of belonging, recognition, and value. From school to college, and even in his career, the story was the same. He was the quiet observer, the reliable background figure, never the one who commanded attention or admiration. The scars of those years—being overlooked by friends, rejected by crushes, overshadowed by the so-called "alpha males"—had shaped him, embedding a deep sense of inadequacy that no amount of professional success or personal milestones could erase.

The Pattern of Life

College had been a turning point—or so Arjun thought at the time. He had entered with optimism, fueled by the widely sold idea that lifelong friendships were forged on college campuses. He imagined a fresh start, a chance to be seen and valued for who he truly was. But history repeated itself. Friendships remained surface-level, fleeting connections that fizzled out as quickly as they formed. He watched from the sidelines as the charismatic, outgoing "alpha males" attracted the admiration of peers and the attention of women.

Crushes came and went, each leaving behind a familiar ache. Whenever Arjun gathered the courage to express his feelings, he found himself in the same scenario—rejected or left unnoticed, his words lost in the shadow of someone else's charm. The sting of unrequited affection was compounded by the realization that his quiet demeanor was no match for the confidence and magnetism of those who effortlessly drew people in.

Life Beyond College

After graduating, Arjun threw himself into his studies and became a Chartered Accountant—a goal he had envisioned since his school days. His hard work paid off, landing him a position at a prestigious consultancy firm. He thought that perhaps now, in a professional environment, he would find the meaningful connections that had eluded him. But even here, the pattern persisted.

In the office, the loud, confident voices of his colleagues—the "alpha males"—drew all the attention. They were the ones who charmed clients, engaged effortlessly in team meetings, and became the life of every office gathering. Arjun, despite his talent and dedication, found himself relegated to the background, his contributions overshadowed by others' charisma. He was respected, but rarely celebrated.

Marriage and Personal Life

In time, Arjun's focus shifted to his personal life. He entered into a few relationships, hoping to find someone who could see beyond the walls he had built around himself. But those relationships faltered. His past experiences, the rejections and feelings of inadequacy, had left him guarded and cynical. His partners eventually grew weary of his negativity and inability to embrace life with confidence, and they drifted away.

Finally, Arjun married through an arranged setup. His wife was kind and understanding, and their life together appeared stable and happy from the outside. They built a life of comfort, with a home, vacations, and mutual respect. But within Arjun, the darkness remained. No matter how much he achieved—a thriving career, a stable marriage, financial security—he couldn't shake the feeling that he was still invisible, still the man who faded into the background.

The Breaking Point

On that fateful evening, as the metro carried him home, Arjun found himself overwhelmed by a lifetime of unspoken pain. The hum of the train and the indifferent faces around him seemed to echo his own invisibility. His hands trembled slightly as he gripped the pole, his chest heavy with the weight of years spent trying and failing to feel like he belonged.

His thoughts raced: Why couldn't I be like them? The ones who light up a room, who people gravitate toward without effort. Why am I always the one left behind? He thought of Aarav, Sana, Abhinav Sir, Ashutosh, Pari—faces from the past that still haunted him, reminding him of every rejection, every moment he felt small.

In that moment, something inside him broke. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn't care if anyone noticed. His voice, trembling with frustration and fatigue, escaped him in a quiet, bitter declaration.

"Main beta hu..." he muttered under his breath, then louder, "Main beta hu!" His voice cracked with emotion. "Main alpha nahi hoon. Main kabhi alpha nahi banunga." (I am not an alpha and I never will be one).

He closed his eyes, feeling the sting of tears rolling down his cheeks. He had finally said it aloud—the thing he had been carrying in silence for years. It wasn't anger or self-pity; it was a raw, painful acceptance. Arjun had spent his entire life measuring himself against a standard he could never meet, chasing a version of himself that didn't exist.

He sank into the realization: I am not an alpha. I was never meant to be one. I am just... ordinary. A beta. The one who stays in the background, unnoticed.