Laging Stop ang Pag-ibig

Chapter Nine: If We Hold On Together

It's been awhile. There's something to be said about bed weather days and you're not in bed with anyone. Sunod sunod yung dumating na bagyo. Halos isang linggong binaha ang QC. Kahit nasa "hill" pa kuno ako nakatira, affected pa rin ako ng ulan. I had time to think about my life. Chos. May ganung peg. I don't consider myself deep, so wala naman akong masyadong naisip. Pag napapa-ruminate ako, two things happen: either I fall asleep or I get hungry. Or—may third pa pala—I fall asleep hungry.

Of course I went out on dates with Kevin and JC. And of course hindi sila sabay. I've learned the art of anti-stalking. Inaalam ko muna ang schedule nila para alam ko ang mga lugar na dapat kong iwasan kung kasama ko ang isa. After all, they're dating me, so I have a say on where we should go or eat. Girl power, yeah!

Minsan nag-dinner kami ni JC sa isang resto sa Ortigas, malapit lang sa office naming. Kinabahan ako kasi within the vicinity din si Kevin. I tried to say no, but JC wouldn't accept that as an answer. So I was jittery most of the time. I swear, naihi ako ng very slight sa sobrang kaba. Kakaiba yung restaurant kaya dun nya ako dinala. Ang name ng restaurant ay The Office. Pagpasok namin cubicle-style setting ang mga tables. At ang layout ng rooms ay parang office. May area that looked like a conference room, which were reserved for groups of people. Low-paneled every cubicle, so diners could have face-to-face conversation. Tapos may mga quote magnets and pinned pictures pa sa cubicle. And may isang maliit na monitor (which I discovered to be touchscreen) where we could place our orders.

"Parang cubicle ko lang," sabi ko kay JC.

"Weird, right?" sabi niya. "I wanted to try this out, that's why I insisted I meet you in Ortigas for dinner."

"Feeling ko kumakain lang ako sa workstation ko. Mas malaki lang ng konti ang monitor ng laptop ko dito. Weird concept nga. Papatok kaya ang ganito in the long run? Who would want to eat in a restaurant that feels like their workstation?"

"May subtle differences naman," sabi ni JC, habang nagki-click sya sa monitor ng orders nya. "The desk lamps here have softer lights and the music is instrumental. But this is at night."

"Sa umaga this is an office?" tanong ko, medyo hindi ako nakikinig sa sinasabi nya dahil hindi ako makapag-decide kung gusto ko ng corn dogs for appetizer or salad.

"Hindi naman. But sa umaga, this is not as romantic. People who lunch here can bring their laptops and work."

"Bat di na lang sila kumain sa cubicles nila? Mas mura pa," sabi ko. I didn't know what to order for my main. Gusto ko mag-pasta but carbs is like my enemy. For the sake of love life, I clicked a light option dinner of scallops and greens. Lampas mid-year na and nag-struggle pa rin ako sa New Year's resolution ko to lose weight.

"Well, some people want to get away from their workspaces once in awhile," sabi ni JC.

"And take their work with them, anyway," dugtong ko agad.

"People are weird like that," sabi nya, sabay kibit balikat.

True. After that night, where nothing happened, except that we kissed (again) in his car before he dropped me off, napaisip ako. Here was JC. Kahalikan ko na siya and we were saying good night to each other and yet ang nasa utak ko was si Kevin. Ano kaya ginagawa nya? Habang ramdam ko ang labi ni JC sakin, nakadilat ang mga mata ko at iniisip ko kung ano ginagawa ni Kevin. Ganun. Feel this moment. Not.

As soon as I closed the door that night, my phone rang and it was Kevin. Akala ko tumawag siya dahil nakita nya akong may kasamang iba. Hindi naman. He was just checking on me dahil maulan. Yes, todo buhos ang ulan. Somewhere out there may nagvi-videoke na naman ng "buhos na ulan, aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan." I could sense na gusto ni JC umakyat hanggang tumigil ang ulan, pero ayoko naman isuko ang Bataan that night. Ayoko naman na maging unmemorable ang first time ko. Tsaka I was conflicted at that time. Hindi ko nga ma-feel yung moment with JC kasi si Kevin ang nasa utak ko.