•Finding my pack•

Odd one out

After a quick jerk session with a little help from Chan hyung, we took a quick power nap together. When I say quick, I mean like 2-3 hours long. He woke up feeling refreshed and revitalized; I woke up tired and sluggish. We quickly cleaned up the mess on his bed. I was still a bit sleepy when making his bed and got a little scolding from Chan because I fell asleep. We then got dressed and headed into the living room to meet with the others.

As soon as we entered the crowded room, everyone was staring at us with intense eyes. I cowered slightly, the floor a lot more interesting then all of their rough gazes. My scent flitted out in nervous beats, Chan grabbing my waist to ground me. Chan played it off, telling everyone everything was fine and that we made up. They all still had a look of suspicion on their faces, many of them trying to catch eye contact with me. The room was silent, filled with uncomfortable lounging around, scents mingling throughout the small room.

"Did you take his virginity?" Han's recognizable voice loudly echoed in the quiet room. Chan's face immediately turned red, spit getting caught in the back of his throat as he coughed. My face flushed and my eyes widened, I finally turned my gaze to meet Han's tretourus gaze. I shook my head no, frantically waving my hands in the air as I tried to catch my breath.

"No, I didn't. We only touched each other a bit. I wouldn't go around having sex with other people without my pack's consent." Chan explained and I could smell my own nerves. All of their shoulders slumped, and some let out a satisfied sigh. My stomach tugged uncomfortably with the bitter taste of unwantedness in my mouth. The feeling of being not being included with this pack reminded me of my sour reality.

"I want to go home." I quietly stated, trying my best to hold back my fat tears. I quickly lowered my head so they couldn't see my face. The room went back to the dead silence, awkwardness settling back over the crowd.

"Yeah, we can do that for you." Chan finally restores the noise back into the lifeless room. Everyone starts piling outside of the house talking admist one another. Felix stays behind, kindly waiting for me to join them outside.

"Are you okay? Sometimes our pack can be a little much. I'm sorry if they hurt your feelings. Want to talk about it?" His honey voice makes the tears I've been holding in finally spill over. He rushes to hug me, wrapping his arms around me as he whispers little praises and apologies.

"I f-feel as hic if I don't b-belong any-anywhere." I pathetically cry into his warm shoulder, the smooth brownie scent making me dizzy. The tears stung and always gave me déjà vu. It made my heartstrings tear one by one, being reminded that I'm not needed anywhere, really. His arms tightened, and then I heard him crying too. I grasped onto the back of his shirt so hard it hurt. We both shook with our sobs, our sour scents mixing together in a pungent mixture that made my stomach churn. I sniffled as my snot ran uselessly down my face. The salty tears taste disgusting in my mouth, bitter with memories.

"I don't want to leave; I just p-panicked. When Chan said that he would never have sex without his pack's consent, I was upset. He doesn't consider me pack; no one does. I felt like I was finally a part of something since I got kicked out. I had a special bond with Chan; he's so nice and sweet. I trusted him enough to touch me, and it just goes straight down the drain. I promised myself my first would go to someone special, and I actually thought of doing it with him. I now understand I was never really a part of this pack; it was just me trying to fit in." I ranted angrily, then sadly, and just overall heartbroken.

"I agree with you; I was last to join the pack, and this is exactly how I felt. I had just moved here away from my family, and meeting him, another Aussie, made all my worries fade away. I slept around with him, and once his pack found out, he just denied it. He didn't cheat because they knew about me, and they were also intimate with me, but it felt like he was denying liking me. It was confusing and still is, but I think it was all worth it. I would suggest for you to take a break, and I'll talk to them while you're gone, okay?" He asked, and I nodded.

Once we got to the car it was filled with sour scents, everyone was upset. It was almost sickening; the drive home was tense and awkward. No one talked, and the fact there was no music made it even worse. Felix kept his hand on my thigh the whole drive sometimes leaning in to lay on me or scent me. Han also joined in on scenting, as well as Seungmin until everybody in the back seat was scenting and apologizing. We pulled up by my house, and I let out a small goodbye. Everyone waved or responded except Chan. I walked inside and let out a shaky sigh. It felt good to be home.

I bathed, ate, and watched TV, but nothing compared to their cuddle time or game time. It felt weird to be in such a quiet house when I'm so used to loud, obnoxious conversations and people. When I hopped into bed and didn't have Chan's comforting scent, it was difficult to fall asleep. I would also have to drive myself to work tomorrow instead of Chan just driving. All these lonely thoughts swarmed my head for the rest of the night, and for the first time in a while, I cried myself to sleep that night.