Gay Best Friend ⚣ Brendon Urie

⚣ prologue

{ Edited }

I'm sure by now in your life, you all have been introduced to that entirely overrated saying that is always used in the most mediocrely heart-wrenching moments in books and movies where the side character looks deeply into the eyes of the painstakingly heartbroken protagonist, and in a exaggeratedly dramatic fashion proclaims, "If you truly love [insert name here], you have to let them go!"

Well, let me just tell you all that there comes a time where you are aware that you have invested way too much time on that particular thing, and you now are incapable of detaching yourself from it emotionally. You end up as a sad sack sitting by yourself in a room somewhere having developed this mindset where you continue to tell yourself, "I am in way too deep, there's really no crawling back now," and instead of trying to let that thing go like the thirty-eight romance films you just finished binge-watching have told you to do, you just kind of allow yourself to accept it.

Well, currently, this is where I stand in my relationship with a boy I've had a crush on for five years of my life. I mean at this point, calling it a relationship is entirely far-fetched -- I truly have no right to do so -- but it's much easier than referring to it as my pathetic unrequited, unreciprocated, one-way romance. Now, that just sounds sad.

His name is Brendon. Brendon Urie. He and my twin brother, Aaron, have been best friends for as long as I can remember. When we were all younger, around the ages of five through nine, we would play at the community park down the road from our neighborhood. It was with the two of them that not only did I become 'one of the guys', but they became more of the girls. I had a lot of fun with them, tossing around the old beat-up football my parents had had since their years in high school, allowing me to cake their faces in bright glittery makeup from my Barbie Fairy Princess kit, throwing my dolls off of the slide until they were so stained with dirt you could no longer see the painted features they used to possess. For the first few years, Aaron and I were so used to being around each other twenty-four seven that we were never truly bothered when the other came to play with our friends, but that all changed when we turned twelve. Aaron started getting more and more distant from me, and he wasn't trying to hide it either. Whenever Brendon would come over, he and Aaron would go upstairs to his room. I would knock on the door and ask if I could play with them and Aaron and Brendon would get into arguments because Aaron was so adamant with his refusal, and Brendon didn't find that fair. It would always end up with Brendon winning the argument and allowing me to play in Aaron's room with them. I think those were the times that made my twelve-year-old self finally realize that I liked Brendon as a little more than just a friend.

So, for these past five years, that little crush has metastasized. I had been planning on telling Brendon about it for, I don't know, three years? As you can see, I never really got the courage to do so. Something was different about this particular morning, though. As I had woken up I decided to myself that today was the day. The day that I would finally confess everything to Brendon and then we could date and get married and live happily ever after for the rest of our lives.

Here's how the conversation started:

"Hey, Brendon, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Yeah, sure, what's up?"

And... here's how it ended:

"-- so, what I guess I'm trying to say here is - uh - I like you, Brendon- a lot. I like you a lot."

"Oh, well - um - this is... kind of... awkward."

"What? W- why?"

"I thought you knew already..."

"Knew what?"

"I mean it wasn't like I really ever tried to hide it from you--"

"Hide what? What are you talking about?"

"-- Honestly, I'm surprised your brother hasn't even figured it out yet, it's pretty obvious."

"Brendon! What are you talking about?"

"You do know that I... 'bat for the other team' right?"

"Is this some type of sports reference I don't understand? Because correct me if I'm wrong, but last time I checked, there was no batting in football."

...Cue the nervous laughter.

"Oh lord, okay- no, Atalie. What I mean is that I... I'm not into the same things as other boys, you see...?"

"I know that. That's actually one of the reasons why I like you so much, Brendon, you're different from most boys at our school,"

"Atalie--"

"Yes?"

"Listen carefully to the words coming out of my mouth,"

"Okay,"

"I don't like girls."

"Me either! They can be catty and rude and completely annoyi-"

"Atalie, I am gay as hell."

Okay, pause.

Do you see the issue here?

"You're what, Brendon?"

"I am a homosexual."

That kind of thing... That right there... It is absolutely unacceptable.

Do you want to know why?

Well, guess what, I'm going to tell you anyways.

I have spent five years of my precious teenage life span invested in this boy. Five years! In total, that's about - give or take - 1,826 days. Five years is a little under a third of my entire life. So, for him to stand here in front of me after I had just confessed the truth about the deepest, and most private of my innermost feelings, and tell me that he will never like me back because he happens to have a sudden knack for penis is a completely selfish thing for him to do. As you can see, having to abruptly slam on the brakes of love is definitely a hard thing to have to do. There is no way someone in my similar situation would be able to have loved it for this long, just to have to simply turn around immediately and let it go. It is impossible.

Needless to say, I was a bit taken aback in that moment, but what I wasn't prepared for was the fact that that wasn't even the most alarming thing I'd hear come out of his mouth that day,

"We can still be friends right?"

"Atalie, seriously? Sweetie, this isn't a breakup, for God's sake. You and I have been friends for, what? Like, ten--"

"Eleven years."

"Alright, see. We've been friends for forever, nothing is going to change our friendship..."

He pauses,

"Well, my friendship, you seem to have thought a bit differently,"

"O-okay. Yeah, you're right, you're right. We can still be friends and all,"

"Good, good... Your brother, though-- that's a different story,"

And there it was.

Now, most times in my life when my twin brother got the things that I wanted, or took things from me, it was usually something like, maybe, a birthday present, or a new car, or the election of 'Most Sociable' in our Freshman and Sophomore Yearbooks, but never, EVER, has it been a boy...

Until now.

"Brendon, you guys are best friends,"

"I know."

"And he - what's the term? 'Bats for the other team'...? The straight team,"

"Right,"

"So, you guys can't really..."

This was probably one of the most awkward conversations I'd ever had to have in my life.

"Yeah, I know, I know." He sighs deeply, "But, hey! Look at it this way, at least you and I have one thing in common."

"And that is...?"

Here it comes,

"We've both had a crush on a boy for the past five years that batted for the wrong team."

Oh, my god. Brendon Urie; this boy was going to be the death of me.