A Language All Our Own

Mixed signals

Sobbing. Sobbing is what Ashlyn Harris was doing. Sobbing between Megan Rapinoe and Sydney Leroux, on a bed that was far too small to comfortably hold the three of them.

"Oh god, what happened?" was the first thing out of Syd's mouth when Ashlyn returns to the room around 12. Ashlyn is motionless near the door, and Syd jumps up to meet her. She places one hand on Ashlyn's shoulder, and lifted her chin up with the other. Ashlyn's dead coal eyes look into Sydney's. "Ash, what is it?"

"Alex Krieger is what happened," Ashlyn says, answering the original question.

Sydney looks back at Megan, who immediately made room on her bed for the two of them to have some room. Megan- for the first time- is actually glad she got stuck in the room of three with the odd number of girls at camp. There is no way she would know what to do with Ashlyn. Megan flips the lamp in between the two beds on, and Ashlyn lays down on top of the covers. She proceeds to sob, covering her eyes with the backs of her palms, fingers intertwined.

"The fuck?" Megan silently mouths to Syd, eyes wide with confusion and shock. Syd could only shrug her shoulders in reply as she flips her long braid behind her shoulder. Syd and Megan lay on their sides on each side of Ashlyn, their heads propped in their hands. They make faces at each other, silently trying to get the other to say something. "YOU," Megan mouths with exaggeration. Syd scoffs and rolls her eyes.

As soon as there is a lull in Ashlyn's crying, Syd takes the opportunity to probe at the situation. She awkwardly breathes in, trying to think of words to say. Ashlyn's eyes are now covered with the mascara that was once nearly coated over her lashes.

"Ash, what happened?"

Ashlyn shudders thinking about the events that had occurred on the pitch with Ali. She wonders if her team had detected something between them. She removes her hands from her eyes and breathes slowly. Hesitant at the thought of having to do a part two of coming out tonight, Ash half lies.

"We went out on the field, and she- she's just sending mixed signals to me. I'm hurting right now, and her screwing with all of my emotions is not helping. She's being kind of a bitch."

"Why were you on the-" Sydney starts, confused as to why she came back to the room so late.

"You fell for her, didn't you," Megan says without flinching, a rare seriousness in her dark brown eyes. Ashlyn bites her lip and nods, her eyes filling up with tears. Megan regrets her bluntness as the blonde begins to softly cry again.

"Ash, talk to us. Obviously something happened out there," Syd offers with a sincere concern in her voice. She puts a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder, attempting to offer comfort.

Ashlyn draws a deep breath in, and tells them everything. Everything about how she developed a friendship with Ali over the similarity of their brothers, all of the conversations they had in the hospital. She tells them about what happened on the pitch, and the kiss. And finally, she tells them how lonely she feels.

"Oh Ash," Sydney says, turning to engulf Ashlyn in a hug. She pulls Ashlyn in tight and plants a friendly kiss on her temple, knowing by experience how bad it hurts to feel lost in the world. Ashlyn gladly accepts the hug, resting her chin on Sydney's shoulder as she grinds her teeth- something she does out of habit when she is upset. She sniffles, then pulls away.

"Ali would never mean to hurt anyone Ash," Megan said quietly. "She's awkward, but she's the best friend you could ask for. I promise she doesn't mean to send mixed signals, she just protects herself- to a fault."

Ashlyn nods, understanding what Megan was trying to get at.

The three sit in silence, with Ashlyn resting in the crook of Syd's arm. She pictures Ali's face in her mind. The soft curves of her smile, the defined lines of her jaw outlining her face. She pictures the little wrinkles on the sides of her eyes when she laughs, how bright her eyes are despite their dark color. She pictures her dark hair framing her golden skin. And she pictures the sadness that has to be currently showing on her face.

She quickly inhales without thought, a small sob escaping her mouth. Tears find their way on to her cheeks. Sydney gets up to retrieve a makeup wipe from the bathroom vanity. She returns, ungracefully plopping herself back on the bed.

She turns herself to Ashlyn, who returns the motion by looking up at Syd with dull, sad eyes.

"Oh, come here," Syd says, wiping under Ashlyn's eyes. She carefully removes the black clumps from Ashlyn's face, and cleans the streams that the tears had eroded on her cheeks. "Thanks," Ashlyn mumbles to Syd, moving herself back against the headboard.

"Two more days, then you go home and forget about this- about her. Okay Ash?"

Ashlyn shakes her head and looks up at the ceiling, trying to balance her tears on top of her eyes where they can't fall. She laughs slightly. "But what if I don't want to forget about her?"

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A/N: is anyone actually reading this???