A Language All Our Own

What's your deal?

"So how the hell do you know ASL and German?" Ali asks.

"Well, I took ASL as my language throughout high school, and I learned German in college. I have a thing for language, I can speak fluent Spanglish tambien."

"Very funny," Ali retorts, kind of put off by how blunt Ashlyn is being.

Ashlyn looks smug in her hospital bed. The two are in matching white hospital gowns and anti-slip socks. Ashlyn motions for Ali to come join her on her bed.

"So what exactly happened?" Ali asks, confusion clearly present in her voice. She sits herself on top of the covers, and resumes her curled up position while Ashlyn stretches her legs out under the covers beside her.

"I don't remember much. We both went up for a cross, and I went out first apparently. I guess I stopped breathing, so they did CPR. You blacked out after that because of the concussion. I think medics got there a few minutes later and the rest of practice was called off."

Ali nods her head, and Ashlyn continues. "I was conscious again in the ambulance and they already did concussion testing on me. You were completely out but stable, so they let you be. But judging by how long you were out, I have to believe it's pretty bad." Ali groans.

"Why did I go up for that!?"

"That's an excellent question there Warrior."

Ali rolls her eyes at Ashlyn's sarcasm. In the back of her mind, the question of how Ashlyn was managing to be okay since the incident the morning earlier happened. She seemed to hold it together well.

There is an awkward silence and the conversation lulls. Ashlyn breathes deeply while Ali absentmindedly looks at her nails. With a serious face, Ali turns her head to look at her teammate.

"How are you doing Ash?"

Ashlyn sighs deeply, as if she is trying to exhale the sudden rush of hurt and heartache inflicted on her. "I'm okay I guess." She bites her lip and looks down, fighting of the tears pressuring the back of her eyes.

"No, you're not." Ali looks at her, and Ashlyn breaks down again, continuing the conversation that was never completed earlier.

"I just- I don't know Ali. I don't know what to say, what to do. I just met you and the rest of these girls, and I don't want to give anyone a bad impression of me before they even see what I can do in the goal."

"Why would this give us a bad impression of you?"

"Weakness. It shows weakness. I have the whole U.S. Soccer organization expecting me to be the next Hope Solo, and we all know that girl has been through hell and back without breaking. She's been through a lot worse than this, and everyone knows it. I just need to fake it 'till I make it, ya know?" Ash shakes her head and sniffles. She wipes the side of her finger under her eyes, removing the tears that she deemed a sign of weakness.

"On the field, fake it Ash. Fake it and play tough, play hard. But right here with me- or anyone on this team for that matter- you don't need to fake it. I went through the same exact thing, and I can tell you from experience that these girls will do anything you need them to. Okay? And at the very least, you have me."

Ashlyn nods her head in understanding. "Thanks." She reaches her arms from out of the covers and grabs Ali close. Ali is surprised by the gesture, but welcomes it.

"Anytime," she replies.

----

"So what's your deal?" Ashlyn asks at around 4 am, after hours of light conversation.

"What do you mean, 'my deal'?"

"I mean what did you come from, what were you like as a kid, why are you here?

"Oh. Well I grew up in Virginia. I lived with my parents and my brother Kyle- who is now basically my best friend." Ashlyn nods her head, encouraging Ali to go on. "I played on a team called the Sparklers for twelve years, which was coached by my dad- fun times. I got a full ride to Penn State, and played there for four years. In my third year, I broke my leg, got some blood clots, and almost died but that's another-"

"Woah, slow down. I wanna hear this story," Ashlyn says, sitting up tall in the bed.

"So basically I broke my leg, and they usually give you a compression sleeve to put on it after surgery so that you don't get blood clots. But they didn't give me one and said I'd be fine, but turns out that one night I had a bunch of clots floating around my lungs and I ended up having six mini heart-attacks. The only reason I went to the hospital was because my boyfriend was nervous about how bad I was feeling."

Ashlyn flinches at the word "boyfriend", but quickly forgets it and moves on.

"Well that's crazy."

"Yeah, it was, but it really puts your life in perspective," Ali says.

She reflects on the night that she could have very well fallen asleep forever. It was a cold January night, and celebrations from the new year were finally winding down. She was alone in her apartment, and for some reason, was much colder than usual. She passed it off as normal Pennsylvania weather, and wrapped a blanket around herself. She continued to shiver, and she started to have a slight headache. Again, she shrugged it off as being a touch of the flu, and fell asleep.

Suddenly, she was being jolted awake. "Ali, what the hell! Are you okay?"

"What are you-" Ali started, but didn't get a chance to finish as she threw up.

"We're going to the hospital, you're a shade of blue Al," Tyler replied to her unfinished statement. He swept Ali up from the floor, still wrapped in her blanket.

"No, I'm fine. Seriously, Tyler, I just need sleep. I don't wanna go." 

"I just checked your pulse Al. Theres no way. We're going."

They went down to the school medical center, which quickly redirected them to a major hospital via ambulance as soon as they saw Ali. That night turned into a nightmarish hell full of unfamiliar big words that only Tyler seemed to understand. Ali had six heart attacks, and had to get emergency surgery to remove the blood clots in her lungs. 

"You're lucky, you could have died tonight," the doctor told Ali when she woke up from surgery. Ali gulped and nodded her head, then leaned back.

"Well thanks for dragging me out here I guess," Ali said to Tyler.

"I'm sorry I had to drag you, but I knew something was up," Tyler says as he leans down and innocently kisses Ali on the forehead. "I love you."

Ali nods awkwardly and closes her eyes as she always does when those words escape his mouth. Tyler was her best friend, but Ali knew that she would never be able to love him like her friends loved their boyfriends. His dark red hair and burning brown eyes exuded a kind of love and innocence that some girl would appreciate for years and years and years. That girl just wasn't Ali. 

Escaping from her reminiscing, Ali looks back up at Ashlyn. "So whats your deal then?"