Letter to God (Choosing Pen Over Knife)

Pain and heart break

Everyone was asleep, She checked the time it was 2.45 a.m. And suddenly it was hard for her to breathe as if someone is strangling her. Her heart was paining so much and her negative thoughts keep on repeating in her head. She was sweating and she thought this was her end. Somewhere she was happy that after her death she would be in peace. 

She hugged herself and slowly all the pain lightly disappeared. Why its always like this, don't I deserve Happiness, If you wanted to give me so much pain and suffering why did you sent me to this world. Please I beg you take me away or else give me death give me... death.... I want death...... She held her hairs tightly in frustration and  started searching every where like a mad person who lost all her senses. 

"I want death.... I want to die.. No one loves me better I will die. I lost all whom I loved. Why i have to live, I will Die.... and end every thing forever" she continuously ranted. 

Finally she saw a knife on the table in which her dad's photo was kept with garland and a small lamp which was about to get off as the oil was dried out. she pored some oil in it and talked to her dad.

"I know you gave me some responsibilities, and I promised you to take care of our family. But Its been hard, No one understands what I am going through, No one sees the sadness behind my smile. 

Few people even said me "all this is only little things we have faced many hardships, at least you have us. We didn't had anyone, We have suffered more than you, so stop over acting" but how could I explain them I needed you not their money. When they were at their lowest they had both of their parents. It's enough I will come to you, And I know I will be happy with you. 

She held the knife in her hand and was about to cut her wrist but a random post she saw on Instagram which said "When you feel to give up instead of taking a knife take a pen and you will see the difference"  flashed her mind. She thought about it for a few minutes.

Then she took a diary which was in near by shelf and took a pen which was in her bag still holding a knife in one hand and started to write her thoughts in it, everything she felt and experienced not briefly but shortly and named it "Letter to God". 

Its was not her first time writing but its her first time writing her pains and heartbreaks. As she started writing her thoughts slowly she felt relieved as if someone picked up a huge rock kept on her chest. And she dropped the knife and promised her self to never take such decisions in her life. 

Author's P.O.V

First of all Its not a short story or novel. Its just a article about a part of life. About the situations we all faced at some point of our life. Some may cope with it early and some may take time. But what about those people who don't have any one to share with. Those who have to be strong as its their only option. I dedicate this article for all those silently suffering soul. the next part will be the actual letter she wrote. It will be the final part.

Sending all of you a lot of hugs, never give up who know there might be a beautiful chapter waiting for you all. So hold on to a thin ray of hope and fight all the evils and remember you alone can keep you happy.

stay strong stay healthy and stay happy