If This Isn't Love

Chapter One: Confussion

       "Damn. It's late as fuck ! " I thought as I was finishing up my history paper .
Ring. Ring . Ring.
It was Janet calling me , my best friend. *answers phone*
-"Yeah ?"
Janet: "Yeah ? Don't answer me with no damn yeah ! But what you doing ?"
-"Finishing up this paper. Man what you want Janet ? Hahaha.."
Janet: "Girl ... You heard about that fight ?!" ...
I could tell that it must've been the most talked about fight in town.
   -"Naa. I've been typing all day Janet ! But what the hell happened now ? Was it Jess and Keisha again bru ?!"
Janet: "Guh ! Yes ! Over damn Mike . Like for real yo ? Mike ? This what happened .. So --"
I was interrupted by a loud sound downstairs .
-"Aye . Yo let me hit you up later ."
I hung up before she could even say bye. I was praying to God , my lord & savior , it wasn't my step father who had just arrived . I'm getting tired of this bull shit ! I save my paper and shut down the laptop. Trying to remain as silent as possible . I heard rumbling downstairs now. I slowly get up from my chair, unplug my desktop lamp, and slowly open my room door. I hit my toe. "Shit!" I say under my breath. I glance down the stair case , and there ... My step father Louis , is staring right up at me. I could tell he was drunk . "No . Please don't . No !" I scream as I saw him running up the stairs toward me . I quickly run back in and try to lock my door , but I wasn't quick enough . He only tries to touch me when my mother isn't home . "Ha .. You little bitch .. You ! Finally I got you alone." My heart is racing as he looks me up and down . His hazel , light brown eyes viewing every inch of my body , licking his lips. "Don't fucking touch me ! Don't try me Louis!" I yell. I just want him away from me . I want my mother... Even though I can't stand her ass . He reaches behind him , his eyes remaining on mine , as he closes my door & locks it . He places his liquor bottle on top of my lap top. "He fuck up my computer he want to !" I think to myself . Hoping I saved my paper correctly . He walks towards me, unbuttoning his green and black shirt . Viewing his chest hairs. His eyes remaining on me . "I want you so bad ." He says , licking his lips as he unbutton and unzips his pants . I didn't know he wore Calvin Klein... I think to myself . He's maybe two feet away from me now. "Should I run ? Should I fight ? I mean .. I have no chance against him. I'm fifteen , he's like thirty-six . He's buff , at least 6'3 & I'm only 5'0. Just be a good girl . Just be a good girl !" I say to myself. I snap back in and see that he's reaching for my hand . "Don't fucking touch me !" I yell. "Shhh . The moon can hear you ." As he points out of my window .. It's like 10:45 right now & my mother is at work , or selling drugs as usual . He grabs me and places me on my bed . Kissing my neck as his hands slowly slides up my blue tank top. "Don't fight back . He's drunk. He might kill you." I think to myself.  His hands are on my breast now . Squeezing and releasing. A steady method . Squeeze. Release. Squeeze. Release. I feel disgusted
right now . No one has ever touched me like this before ! He start kissing up my cheek bone as he whispers in my ear. I can't understand what he's saying to me . I'm too busy looking  around my purple-colored room.. Looking for weapons. I feel his huge, caramel, hard hands slide down my shorts. I wiggle a little. He's too heavy . "Get off of me!" I say . He doesn't respond . He's too busy giving me an unwanted hickey  & reaching down my panties. He sits up and views my body . His eyes causing chills down my spine and a sickly feeling in my stomach . He slides my black shorts off as my pink panties are shown. He rubs his thumb up and down against me. I must admit, it felt good ... But this was rape. Not my first time . He slides my panties down as his tongue tastes each inch of me. I spot to my left a pen. I try and move slowly as I reach for it . He licks faster . Shit . I finally grabbed the pen. I'm going to wait for the right moment . Hopefully this school pen works . He sits up and licks his lips. "You taste better than Nina." He's talking about my mother ... He pulls out his friend . I'm really scared now. He kisses my neck as he slowly tries to stick it in . "Damn. You're so tight and wet. I can't put it in." He flicks my clit with his friend I guess to make me wetter. I switch the pen from my left to my right hand . "The fuck !!!!" He screams as I stab him right in the neck . I push him off of me as I quickly grab my jacket & shorts. I glance up to see him laying there , blood slowly coming out as he's screaming my name . I climb out of the window . It's freezing in New York at this time of the season and night . I have no idea where I'm running to but I just kept running . I glance down to see that I don't have on any shoes. Happy I have on socks . I feel the snow under my feet melting quickly with ever step I took. There's cars every where. Noise surrounding me. Lights everywhere & I'm hoping and praying no one sees me like this right now.
The closest place to go was the nearest gas station. I run to the bathroom and lock the door. I cuddle up in my jacket as I sit in the corner . The floor is freezing cold . I'm crying now .. I can't believe it . No one was there to stop him .... No one is here for me right now. No one . "God why ?" I say slowly as tears come running down my cheeks. The bathroom door opens .. A man standing there . My eyes are  full of tears , I couldn't see clearly. My heart is racing & pumping . How did he find me here ? Why does he want me so bad ? "No louis !" I scream . The man kneels down and looks at me .... I soon notice that it's not a man . It was a teen boy, my age , good looking . He was a light-skin male. Looks mixed with really good , curly hair . His eyes a green or grayish color. He was wearing all white ... He was looking like a god , And I'm sitting here looking a hot mess . "My name is KJ." I close my eyes as I feel him picking me up. I don't care to scream, or to fight . Im too weak . I mean, fuck life .. Right. ?