THE BLEEDING HEARTS PROGRAM

TWENTY-SIXTH TUTORIAL

"He wants to be with me. I don't need your permission."

"Didn't you learn from what happened two seconds ago," Jaehyun smiled with a raised eyebrow.

"You aimed but you didn't shoot. There's nothing to be scared of," Raphael playfully answered putting his hands in his pockets. "That was you showing love."

"Speak respectfully to your elders, punk."

"If... if I speak respectfully, will you let me... fuck what am I even saying?"

"What," Jaehyun sighed poking Raphael's forehead. "Annoying ass brat. The answer is no. I won't let you do shit, get used to it."

"You're so mean to me... when I love you so much as my pops"

Raphael was glad the topic turned it something else. He knew deep down what he wanted to ask but, he was scared.

Scared that if he said it out loud, everything would change.

He was confused and sure of himself all at the same time. Things felt blurry and clear all at the same time.

What did he want from Junya?

What did he want Mr Park to allow him to do?

Did he... like Junya? More than a friend would? Did he want to act on those feelings? Nowadays, his mind was constantly going with those thoughts.

"Stop thinking about my little prince in front of me. You're too transparent and pisses me off."
...

"Your dad is a cool guy."

"I know but... he can be intense... I hope he didn't bully you or anything. By the way... why were you screaming?"

"I saw a spider," Raphael lied easily. "It was huge."

"... you're too big to be scared of insects."

"No one is bigger than God. You're never too big for anything."

"Raphael... what?"

"Don't think too much. Just feel it."

Junya sighed loudly choosing to ignore the other. He knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer no matter how much he asked.

Junya had been trying to get Raphael to tell him what his father said but, Raphael just danced around the topic.

"You know... you never talk about your family."

"I have lots of siblings, a mom and a stepdad," Raphael answered quickly pretending to focus on the game on his phone. "That's my familia."

He hoped that answer would satisfy Junya's curiousity but he also knew it was unlikely Junya not to ask more.

When they first met, the boy wouldn't say more than two words but once he now that he was comfortable, he wanted to know about everything. He couldn't get Junya to stop talking sometimes but, he enjoyed listening to the other.

"What about your father? Is he... you know still around?"

"You're asking that because I'm black?"

"No,"'Junya answers quickly a bit flustered. "My-my mum's black Raphael! I wouldn't ask something-"

"Look at you scrambling," Raphael burst out laughing. "I'm joking - my dad died when I was younger and my mum got remarried when I was in highschool. Nothing special."

"Then... nevermind..."

"Drug overdose."

"I- I- Raphael-"

"If you have a question you should just ask it," Raphael smiled softly patting Junya's head. "He died of a drug overdose but... he wasn't always a pitiful person... my mum said I get my brains and looks from him."

"Was he good with machines like you are?"

"Yeah, my mum said that he was a legend in the underground racing scene."

"Is that like what they did in that Tokyo Fast and Furious?"

Raphael relaxed into the conversation answering what he knew. Even telling Junya about his five siblings... how they were annoying sometimes but incredibly cute other times. How his brothers would try asking him for money for stupid things.

Lightly grazing the topic of how he felt about his stepfather and how they butted heads. How they argued and how not wanting to be at home often pushed him to do the wrong things sometimes... other times, it pushed him towards a library.

The main reason he had to leave the house.

"No way," Junya laughed while his face reddened, "why did you lie about that?"

"Because I was tired of getting in trouble," Raphael smiled. "And I didn't want my mum to think I was turning into a pothead or something. She never found out so it worked out."

"No wonder you had so much experience sneaking out."

"Yeah but, you can't do that anymore," Raphael reminded with a serious tone, "it makes your family rightfully worried. You have be to good to them."

Junya only stared at Raphael with a soft gaze nodding. He was so close to the other that if he moved he would be lying on Raphael's chest... if he stretched out his hand he could probably hold Raphael's... he wanted to do those things but, he knew he couldn't.

"It feels like we became really close. I told you about my family and all... guess you have to take responsibility now."

"How should I do that?"

"By... staying by my side forever... fuck. I just cringed myself out but, I mean it. We have to be together forever now."

Junya sat up with a heavy feeling on his chest.

Anxiety. Dread. Sadness.

He didn't want to risk leaving another person heartbroken.

"You don't have to look like I asked you to sign a slave deal or some-"

"I can't promise you to be friends forever."

Raphael paused for a moment before nodding. He sat up before standing from the bed wordlessly.

He felt rejected and that made him angry for some reason. There was days where Junya couldn't get enough of him and now, he was clearly putting a boundary between them.

"Raphael... I'm sorry... I just. I want to explain but-"

"It's cool, I just realised I had something to do."

Junya bit his lip nervously because Raphael really wouldn't look at him.

"Then... next week at the same time?"

"I'll let your parents now. I have a few assignments due so, I lowkey have to focus."

They weren't arguing but they both knew that when Raphael walked out of the bedroom door, they would still have a lot of unresolved feelings.

Junya clenched his hands to try and stop himself from doing anything stupid. The uncomfortable feeling was a light reminder that he was ultimately doing the right thing.

"Okay, I'll be waiting for your call."