Beyond Fate and the Stars [Self-Published]

Chasing Rabbits, Dead-end Solitude

Third Draft

Chasing Rabbits, Dead-end Solitude

By: Felicenny

I wonder how this happened - me being trapped in the dark unknown; blind, cold, and feeling wretched. I wonder why this happened - that the first lucid sight I caught glimpse of was not the bright light but something else uncanny. And I wondered what I did and who have I wronged for this to happen to me - for I was no special but just was purely naïve.

For a long while I deadpanned - because I was secure and safe just being invisible. That's the thing... I thought I was the invisible one.

For whenever I reached, I end up not reaching. For whenever I run, I never actually left the spot I started. And for whenever I feel, I end up getting numb.

But no.

I wasn't invisible.

In fact, I was there. I was there, opaque, tangible and real. I was there just standing, hovering and lurking, waiting for something I myself am not sure what of. But I was certain I was there. I was there and I knew it. I knew it because you saw me.

"Are you ok?" You asked.

Furrowed brows, messy hair, brown eyes, and a crisp voice, you asked. I was there just looking, looking at those brown orbs realizing they were all on me. I didn't believe it at first, for I couldn't fathom why and how those brown eyes found mine.

Then I tried to speak, but I end up not able to. For the thickness of your voice seemed so utterly superior mine couldn't match. I can not speak. I don't want to speak. I thought that moment I just want you to say that to me again in that particular eminence.

Are you ok?

I shook my head. And then I nodded. And I shook my head again.

"Do you need any help?" You asked. Then I knew I was certain because you asked again. But it was not me who's supposed to answer, it was me who's all baffled and it's me who's supposed to ask...

How...

How?

How were you able to see me?

"Y-you see.... You- y-you can... see me?" I stuttered. Words left my mouth in almost a whisper. I felt weird because I heard myself speak. In my entire existence I never have I ever actually heard myself speak. And it was unearthly disturbing.

"Are you alright?" You asked again, this time much louder - seemed my voice was too quiet for your ear to catch. "Come on, it's getting colder here."

You offered me your umbrella. You slipped your hand behind me. You ushered me inside.

"Are you lost? Who are you with?" You said. "You can't just stand in the rain like that, you might get a cold."

I didn't know it was raining.

"My name is Kai... I live two blocks away."

Kai...

What a handsome name.

Is that what you call yourself? What your friends call you? Is that your actual name? A nickname?

You smiled and you looked at me again. I felt the need to answer.

My name is...

I opened my mouth. I felt my forehead wrinkling. Realizing no words came out, I closed my lips.

I - I don't know what my name is...

I just looked at you, the same as the way you looked at me. Although both of the looks embedded the same curiosity, yours to mine was more endearing. And mine to you was more of a sheer wonder and queer, with the same question remained unanswered in my head.