Your Eyes Tell

11 / now

Nick Peterson is not a very good liar.

He wasn't very good when he stole candy once, in middle school, and then turned himself in to the police, crying.

He wasn't very good when Robb wanted to cancel on a date, and Nick answered the door, and his brother specifically said: "Tell her I'm sick and I'm sorry. I'll talk to her tomorrow, okay?"

And Nick told her, "He's sick and sorry."

She asked him, "I don't think he is. Where's his room?"

Nick said, "Up the stairs, to the right."

Robb gave him a good beating after that.

And he wasn't very good when he and Kaia broke up.

"Didn't Kaia go to your exhibit?" Jude asked, during dinner one time. "You didn't post any photos with her."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, I—we just forgot."

Harlan blinked. "You said she had a lacrosse game that night."

Nick cleared his throat. "She had the game first and then went to my exhibit after. Please pass me the potatoes."

And he wasn't—he's still not very good at lying, staring at his mother's face, wondering how to lie when she asked, "She loves you, right?"

And the lie isn't when Nick answers, "Yes." It's when his voice breaks, or when his eyes drop to his feet, or when his fingernails dig themselves into his palm. It's in that one little word 'yes', and his mother will know.

Because, the truth of the matter is—Kaia doesn't. Nick's accepted it—but it doesn't mean his sweet, fragile mother has to.

Not until he has to tell her.

So he musters up everything in his skin and bones, and he nods, says, in his clearest voice, "I love her, too."

That's not a lie. It's not.

Helene seems satisfied and convinced with that. She sighs in relief, hugs her son, and whispers, "As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters to me, sweetheart."

It's almost laughable—the thing that matters the most to his mother doesn't matter much to Nick. And the thing that matters the most to Nick—doesn't matter much to Kaia.

He's a terrible liar, but if there's one thing he will not lie to himself about, it's this: I'm going to be blind.

Then again, there's no need to lie to himself—his eyes will tell him that.

*

Nick has had enough of Yves's bullshit.

He fists his collar, pulling him up just to push him against the wall. "You had your chance, man. Why the fuck are you doing this to Orion now?"

"You promised not to get mad," Yves heaves, jaw clenching.

"Oh, I'm not mad, I'm furious," Nick hisses, slamming him again. Yves lets out a grunt.

"Okay, Nick, let's calm down for a sec," he pants. "I said we almost kissed, not that we did."

He lets out a growl of frustration. "And that's supposed to make it okay?"

"That's supposed to make me more of a jackass than I already am," Yves answers, breathing heavily. "Because I wanted to. I really wanted to. And I've never wanted anything that can hurt me until...well, until her."

"Fucking—" Nick lets go after shoving him against the wall one more time. He laughs incredulously, running one hand through his face. "Jesus Christ, Yves."