Your Eyes Tell

12 / then

Nick Peterson jolts awake on his bed with a gasp, chest rising and falling rapidly, skin cold with sweat, hair sticking to his forehead. It's quiet, there's no other sound aside from the silent hum of the air conditioning, and River's breathing on the lower bunk—Robb's bed.

Nick heard River's scream in his dream, and it terrorized him to his bones—felt them crush in its anguish, rawness, devastation and anger. He also heard his mother's heart-wrenching cries.

It's been a year since Robb killed himself.

Nick wipes the sweat off his skin and shuts his eyes with a deep exhale, hugging his knees to his chest. He turns his head and stares at his brother.

Even in his sleep, River looks like he's in pain. Still.

Nick bows his head and tries to steady his breathing, fiddling with his fingers to stop them from shaking. It's quiet—there's no other sound. There's no one screaming.

On the other side of the wall, his mother is also quiet. Earlier, Nick listened and fell asleep to her quiet sobbing.

Taking another deep breath, Nick reaches for his phone and finds two unanswered messages from Kaia.

Cass and I are at Mo's for dinner :) How are you? Call me before bed? I love you.

Home now, baby. Call me if you need to, I'm here for you. I love you so much.

Nick hovers his finger over the blank space where his message would be.

Kaia knows what day it is today. She knows, and she offered to come with him, but even though his brothers and parents love her, Nick would be with his family. He needs to be with his family, and his family needs to be with him, too.

He misses her, though.

He types his reply. Hi. You asleep?

He's not really expecting an answer. It's four forty-two in the morning, and Kaia has first period at nine later today. So he shuts his phone and tosses it on the bed, standing to head to the bathroom, when it lights up again and buzzes.

Nope. :) What are you doing up, baby?

Nick feels the guilt creep up his skin. Kaia replied, which means she's been waiting for him to message her.

Had a nightmare. you?

Her chat bubbles appear quickly. You want me to call? I'll sing you to sleep ;)

She has a horrible singing voice and she knows it. It makes Nick smile. I'll call you, hold on.

He stands up, puts on the hoodie hanging over the desk chair, and steps out into the balcony, quietly sliding it closed.

It's cold. Nick scrapes back one of the garden chairs and sits, hugging his knees, and dials Kaia.

She picks up in the first ring. "Hi."

Her voice feels warm. Nick closes his eyes and whispers, "Hi. You have class in five hours."

He imagines her shaking her head when she softly answers, "You need me, Nick."

Nick clenches his fingers into a fist and breathes out. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kaia says gently. "Don't ever, ever apologize for that. I'm—I was worried. I thought you were pushing me away again."

Last year, when Robb died, Nick shut himself off. He shut himself away from Kaia, Orion, Yves, his family—he went through the days sluggishly, spoke to no one, woke, ate, worked, and went to class like a corpse. Slept like one, too.