Break Me One More Time [McLennon]

in which paul is uncertain

     "So I'm not your only case right now?" Paul raised one eyebrow.

      Barney opened his mouth, then closed his mouth and sighed. "Well, actually you are. But that's just because the person who was supposed get this job had a freak accident the day before the plan was supposed to go into motion. The guy below him refused to take it though, because he would only have two days to prepare, so they asked for volunteers. I was up against this woman, and I got the job. I had to learn a hell of a lot in two days, but here I am and I think I'm doing a pretty good job."

      Paul considered this. "Yeah, you are,"

     Barney smiled. "Thanks," he said. "You've got no idea how much it means to hear that from you of all people."

     Paul wanted to ask about how Barney came to have the job that he did, but he figured he should save it for another time. "So. Paris. October. Big reveal."

     "With perfect execution of my plan and a whole lot of luck, yeah." Barney nodded.

      "Great," Paul sighed, but in all honesty he felt pretty confident that they could pull it off. "Anyway, how who - "

     "No!"

     Barney looked toward the small hallway that led to the bedroom and bathroom. "Is that John?"

     "Yeah," Paul said, looking worried.

      "Nightmare?" Barney raised an eyebrow.

      Paul nodded slowly, not looking back at Barney at first. He kept his attention on the hallway with a worried expression for a few moments before turning his gaze back to Barney - the worried look didn't leave his face.

      "NO! PLEASE!"

     "How many times have you been awake for something like this?" Barney asked.

      "This is the second time," Paul sighed.

      "Hm," Barney said. "I though John Lennon would be better at suppressing his emotions, even in in his sleep. Although, under the circumstances, it actually makes quite a lot of sense! Anyway, I think - "

      "Paul!"

     Just like that, Paul was running as fast as he could to the bedroom and he dropped to his knees on John's mattress. He took a deep breath, then shook John urgently. "John, wake up! JOHN!"

      John's eyes flew open and he sighed in relief. His breathing was labored and he threw his arms around Paul. "You're okay, you're okay... You're alive. Thank god. Thank god."

     "I - I'm fine, John," is all Paul could think - or even manage, for that matter - to say.

      "Sorry I woke you," John whispered.

    Again. There it was, that vulnerability. It doesn't suit John, Paul thought to himself as he sat back on his heels. "Don't worry, I couldn't sleep anyway. You didn't wake me.. Go back to sleep, Johnny. Rest."

       John nodded and let his eyes slide shut and he dozed off again.

     That was weird, Paul thought. So not like John at all... And the way he looked at me! It was almost like..like...

      Paul didn't finish that thought. He couldn't! But he was on his feet in seconds, running back to the kitchen where Barney was patiently waiting. "Barney," Paul growled. "What the fuck did John realize in Hamburg?"

      "Paul, no need to get angry," Barney said. "You know that that's something you have to figure out on your own!"

      "Wait, does your spell keep John asleep no matter how loud we are?" Paul asked, suddenly very calm.

     "Yes it does," Barney said proudly. "I'm amazing, you know."

     "Oh, good," Paul nodded. "Yeah, that's good... Because I'm going to YELL AT YOU! I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU PEOPLE SAY, I NEED TO NOW! THIS IS BIG!"

     Barney smiled. "Sorry. I've got to go. But here, to show how sorry I am," he disappeared into thin air and behind where he had been standing, on the counter, was a huge plate of ribs.

~~~

     Paul sat up all night that night, not getting an ounce of sleep. He was freaking out. This could not be happening, no way. There had to be some mistake. John could not be...

      Paul couldn't even finish the thought. He wouldn't. He couldn't put himself through that.... And he couldn't admit that it made sense, and that it would explain a lot of things that had happened since he was sent back to the sixties.

     But John wasn't...gay.

     Paul stopped to think about all of this; for starters, having now lived into the twenty first century, he had a much deeper understanding of homosexuality. The first time that lived through the sixties he hadn't completely cared, but he hadn't understood everything. And he had never thought about making same-sex marriage a thing, never mind legal. But now...it was normal.

     But it wasn't in the sixties and while it did happen, John just wasn't gay.

      Paul's head was spinning and he couldn't think straight for even a second.

     If John was gay, that was fine. It didn't change anything. But if John was...

     He didn't want to think about it!

     But if John was by some crazy chance...in love with Paul...then that did change everything. How were they supposed to work together? It would be awkward, and their friendship could easily be shattered that way.

      The stupid F.H.O. wanted all of this and Paul hugged aloud, thinking to himself that they were playing with fire.....

     If they wanted the Beatles to stay together then this was certainly not the way to keep them together.

      Paul was pissed off, to say the least. If John was in love with him, he didn't want to know because he was damn well sure that he was not in love with John Lennon.