The heart of dark secrets

2-Forgeting myself

I walk behind her passing cell after cell hearing scratches and screams, the lights flickers as we keep walking, but i cant keep my eyes from the numbers written on the wall.13.28.4In every inch of the wall, what do they mean ?does it mean something important ?for a moment I keep thinking about them for a moment I lose mind thinking about Them.
after we walk up the stairs and enter a room on the left as i take my first step inside, am shocked it's so white the lights ,the floor ,the walls ,the curtains ,everything is white it kind of blinds my eyes.
she orders me to sit on a white chair i do as am told not saying a word."so whats your name" she says while sitting down on a chair behind her desk." Nicolas, Nicolas carter". I say firmly.
"Okay Nicolas give me your hand"she says with a slight smile, i give her my bleeding hand she start to check it and clean it.
"how did this happen".i don't know what to say, didn't really thought of this part, I could just run but I see lots of needles in this room, what should I say ? What should I say?.
"um i... I dont know i think it happened when i was thrown here" i lie, I hope she believes, am a really terrible lier because that lie is followed by a giggle, I always giggle after I lie and by the look on her face she doesn't seem to beleieve.
she start to put medical alcohol on it, it stings for a moment , now that the blood is almost gone it looks like I was doing witchcraft to teleport from here.
This a deep cut, be careful next time". Okay i will I say in my head thinking she heard me.
"We dont need more accidents happening here we got Jamie who nearly comes every day".
"who is Jamie?" i ask, the curtains behind me move and guy whoo looks in his 20s is laying on a stretcher, "well i would do anything to see that pretty face of yours" he says looking at the nurse with goofy smile, while she starts to blush, well this is it my plan failed i cant escape from here because also the windows are concealed as well, I could jump up an kill both of them, "are you in a relationship or something?" I ask staring at both of them, the conversation starts to sound like we're in Starbucks .
"god no "she says quickly her eyes wide open i can hear her heart beating fast inside her chest.
"If were done i rather go back to my cell" I say  and stand, really I'd rather stay in that shitty place than here, it doesn't feel like that place you want to be in, even in the cell, but I just don't like sitting next to someone who is insane and a nurse.
"Yes but i have to take you there" she says and starts walking out, i turn and look at Jamie as he shouts" dont leave me".thats when i notice his arms are cuffed to something i cant see. I dont know what he has done but he looks somehow sane to me, i haven't seen crazy people before only in movies but looking in his eyes seeing the pain and loneliness inside him takes a piece of what left of happiness inside me, being locked up alone with no one to talk to its so hurtful even if its just minutes passing ,it hurts more than it sounds.

Am back at my cell laying on the smelly bed ,I don't belong here, it just feels weird like it's not real, where am I?.
now am wondering how many people died here judging by the smell i think maybe more than 10. Now i know what it feels like to be a bird captured in a small cage not able to fly, feeling your freedom and life slipping away from your fingertips like sand, to have the desire to spread my wings and fly high away from humanity's torture.
I close my eyes trying to get a little sleep but the smell keeps me awake, its cold and  freezing, my body is shaking, i look at the small window the sun has rose sending little heat to my body, i hear the door creak , i jump wishing they came to take me out, take even to never land, I just want to get away from here, being locked up alone just me and my head is so hurtful, remembering every bad thing I did, every word I said .
the door opens but there is no one.
all the cells are opening and people walking forward , pushing each other, no one looks at me, i get out and follow them not knowing where they're heading, the same numbers are covering the walls in this direction too, they must have a meaning.
looking and feeling crazy people surrounding me from every direction, before i was here i hated my life and tried to commit suicide but seeing these people here opens a gap of sorrow inside me, depression taking over me like a massive wave, i dont know who i am any more. 

I stand in a line in a mental cafeteria with a tray in my hand, the line is long and if they told the cafeteria ladies are zombies i wont be surprised, a short old women stands in front of me, she has bold spots in her head like someone pulled them from their roots and her hair is messy, she starts too scratch the back of her head, mumbling words i can't understand, blood starts to run down her neck, i put my hand on her shoulder and shake her slightly, she turns around, she got one blind eye her face full of scars and scratches she looks so terrifying, my blood starts to pump inside me, i take a deep breath and say " your bleeding, your head is bleeding" i say in a low concerned voice, but she doesn't answer, she keeps staring at me, her stare scares me, "are you okay?" I ask.
she starts to scream and shout so loud my ears start to buzz and slaps me on my right cheek and still she screams louder and louder