Beating scars, Relapse hearts [Malum af]

Chapter 5: your good looks are bound to get you far in life

Bonjour, how is everyone doing today?
~~~

If you'd told Michael Clifford that he'd willingly be sat watching Luke cover Opportunity without a gun or any other weapon pointed at his dick he'd think you were bullshitting. Even Calum was shocked when he barged into Michael's room unannounced. The way that Michael quickly closed his laptop made Calum think that he was just watching porn, but the audio didn't cut off, much to Michael's dismay. "Is that?"
"No," Michael snapped, before slouching. Calum raised an eyebrow before motioning for Michael to make some space for him, which he didn't, and it resulted in Calum sat in Michael's lap. "You're heavy," He complained, trying to push Calum off of him but he wouldn't budge. Instead, he opened up Michael's laptop and they watched the final few seconds of Luke singing. 

Michael huffed and wrapped his arms around Calum's waist and rested his head on his back. "I wish I had a good singing voice," Calum huffed once the video had ended. Michael just hummed in agreement "What could you possibly mean, Calum? You're so ruggedly handsome, your good looks are bound to get you far in life, and your voice screams pure talent," Calum said in a deep voice.
"That's a terrible impression of me," Michael mumbled.
"It was spot on!" Calum complained, clicking on another one of Luke's covers.
"Please don't play another one," Michael says but Calum doesn't listen. He can't tell if it's because his voice is too muffled or Calum's just being an inconsiderate knob head. It's probably the second one.

They're four covers in when the front door slams and Michael flinches at the booming voice of him mum shouting "Michael Gordon Clifford!" He knows he's in trouble as even Calum mutters a "Shit, dude," and quickly presses pause on the video. His door gets swung open and his mum is red in the face. She doesn't even spare a look at Calum.
"I just received a phone call from Doctor Green. Care to explain?" She calmly asks, giving Michael the benefit of the doubt and allowing him to share his side of the story, but there isn't one. He knows he missed his appointment because he simply didn't want to go. All they'd do is advise him to eat healthier and exercise more and then in a week or two when there are no different results he'd be prescribed anti-depressants even though he knows he doesn't need them. 

He obviously doesn't answer his mum's question quickly enough and clutches Calum's torso harder when she opens her mouth to speak again "I am doing this for your own good, Michael," She shouts and Michael swears that he saw a vein poking out of her neck. "Do you know what it's like in my shoes?" She carries on and it would seem appropriate if the walls started shaking. "Do you know how hard it is to be a single parent in a crappy council home with a son who's-" She cuts herself off from what she was about to say, but Michael knows.
"Fucked up," He whispers and his mum's face softens slightly but she doesn't protest. Even Calum notices this part.
"I rescheduled for 5 today, Michael, please just go," She says before adding "It'll help you."

His door closes and he can hear his mum quietly sobbing in the living room but he doesn't make a move to go and comfort her. And Michael tries not to cry, he really does, but a few stubborn tears manage to squeeze their way though his tear ducts and soak into the white cotton of Calum's jumper. "I can take you, if you want," Calum whispers and Michael laughs - he actually laughs, because of course fucking Calum doesn't question why the fuck he's so messed up that he's being forced to see a shrink. Michael just about managed to nod his head into Calum's back for confirmation and Calum doesn't ask any more questions, he just hits play and Luke's pre pubescent voice fills the room.

At 5:03 he's being called from the waiting room into a small, white wash room. "Take a seat, Michael," Doctor Green says, offering him a smile that seems genuine. Michael hates it. The seat he's forced to sit on is lime green and plastic and was probably made for nine year olds. His knees are practically eye level when he sits down. "How are you feeling today?" She asks, leaning forward in her - far more comfy chair. Michael just shrugs. Honestly, he feels quite intimidated being forced to crane his neck upwards to see Doctor Green's face though. He decides that he'd prefer to sit on the floor. "That's not an answer, Michael," She says and fuck, now he really feels like a child. 
"I'm fan-fucking-tastic," Michael spits. Doctor Green nods her head and decides against pointing out his profanity.
"That's better," She smiles and glances at a few of the loose sheets of paper scattered in front of her. Michael wonders if they're all about him, old notes on the sessions from when he was fourteen.
"Now it was Karen who made this appointment," She said, nodding to herself. "Would you like to tell me why?"
"Not particularly," Michael automatically said in an attempt to shut her down.
"Okay, that's fine," She said, shuffling a few of the papers around.

Nothing's said for a good few minutes and Michael's wondering if she's already given up on him. He's also wondering what Calum's doing in the waiting room. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd already left. He thinks to himself that it's possible that Doctor Green's testing him - seeing if he'll dare to break the deafening silence of the room. He knows he won't.

"I'm going to briefly bring up some of the things you mentioned the last time I saw you, which was - gosh- three years ago," She says, Michael feels like it was a lifetime ago. She looks up like she's waiting for his consent, so he nods his head once to show he's paying attention. "Okay, great. First up we have your dad-"
"Pass," Michael mutters. Doctor Green doesn't press it.
"Luke-"
"Pass."
"Mr Richards?" She says his name so slowly, like she's unsure of whether it was worth bringing up. She catches Michael's breath hitching. He never thought he said anything about him. 
"Who's that?" Michael asks, trying to play it off and acting like he didn't have to covertly wipe a few stray tears from his cheek.
"I'm not a hundred percent sure," She says, searching a few more sheets "I don't think we went into detail about him, it must have been something you mentioned once and I meant to go back to it."
"Oh," Michael sniffles.
"What about Calum?" She asks, picking up a pencil and scribbling something down on a page. He knows it's about Mr fucking Richards. 
"He's my best friend," Michael says.
"Well that's good," She smiles "He probably knows more about you than I do," She jokes and Michael furiously shakes his head.
"I never tell him about me," He says before he realises "He doesn't need to know about this," He gestures to the space in between the two of them with his hand before dropping it to his lap.
"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Michael," She says and Michael lets out a single laugh before dropping his gaze to the floor.

"That's probably enough for today," Doctor Green says, organising the sheets she used into a file. His new file. Michael thought those days of having his name printed on a beige file and being shoved into a draw with others 'like him' were over. Apparently not. "I also have a prescription for you," She says, signing it off before Michael can protest, "If you hand it into the front desk they'll take care of it for you," She smiles. He also thought his days of being doped up on prescription drugs were over.
"Thanks," Michael mutters because he can't think of anything more appropriate to say, as he heads out the door. 

He spots Calum immediately, still in the same place that he left him, slouched over on a carpet-like red sofa engrossed in his phone. He glances at the front desk and they're already looking at him expectantly, Doctor Green must have told them about him. He quickly walks over and hands his prescription over, in return he's given a small white bag that contains two tubes of pills and an appointment card for next week. Same time, same day. He sighs before shoving it in his pocket and tuning around. Calum's stood next to him now, he must have noticed him when he was waiting for his meds. "Hi," Calum smiles and Michael can't help but flash him a small smile back, "Are we ready to go?" 
"Absolutely."

~~~
Calum's such a good guy. I wish I had a friend like him.