Warriors: A New Life ~Series 2 Book 1~

Chapter 17

"No buts." He ordered. "Now, why did you wake me up?"

"Oh," Shinewing's tail drooped slightly and her bright gaze dulled. "Clearlight died..."

"W-what?" Nutwhisker's blood ran cold and his eyes widened in shock. "How?!"

"I don't know, Bluesnow was the first one to find out only a few minutes ago!" Shinewing started towards the medicine den tunnel. "Come on!"

Nutwhisker followed Shinewing out more slowly. His paws felt heavy like rocks. His tail dragged behind him and he felt tears prick his eyes. The last thing we ever did together was fight... How did he die? He was in perfect health. Did Starclan want him that badly?

Be strong Nutwhisker. An unfamiliar, yet unforgettable voice echoed in his head.

He stopped in his tracks and mewed softly. "Shadedmoon?"

But no one answered him. It seemed that Shadedmoon had gone somewhere else. He sighed softly and trudged towards the elders den where a large crowd had formed.

Nutwhisker slowly entered the den. The first thing that hit him was the strong scent of death. His gaze sluggishly turned down to where Clearlight's body lay peacefully. There were no signs of struggling at all. He had died peacefully in his sleep.

Was I the cause of his death? A sick feeling rose in his stomach and Nutwhisker clenched his jaws shut. Of course I was. If only I hadn't fought with him.

At first, Nutwhisker silently leaned down and rested his muzzle against Clearlight's cold fur. He felt tears threaten to spill but he held them back. Not in front of the clan. His clan mates needed a strong and confident medicine cat to help them, not a sad and insecure cat.

Nutwhisker moved his muzzle towards Clearlight's scruff and took a hold of his father's thick fur. He gently dragged the grey tom out. It was a painfully slow process as Clearlight was surprisingly heavy. But Nutwhiskee tried his best and soon, he had successfully dragged Clearlight's heavy body out into the main clearing. The sand dragged at Clearlight's fur, making it even harder to tug the dead tom into the centre of camp.

Watersplash moved to help Nutwhisker with his burden but he hissed with a glare in her direction. She dipped her head and took a step back, her gaze low. Nutwhisker didn't want help. He caused Clearlight's death. Therefore he had to suffer the consequences.

Stormstar tried to help Nutwhisker followed by Blackleap and Bluesnow but each time, Nutwhisker would fix them with a death glare and they would quickly walk away.

At last, Clearlight's body was dragged into the centre of camp. Nutwhisker let go of Clearlight's scruff, his jaws aching and his chest heaving. Stormstar mumbled soothing words to Nutwhisker, but they didn't register in his mind. The only thing he felt was the guilt.

I sent Clearlight to his death.

It's all my fault.

A familiar ache formed in his chest as his bitter thoughts circled in his mind. Nutwhisker immediately remembered why the pain was familiar; it was the same ache he developed when Watersplash upset him. It was like his heart had been torn. Twice.

Nutwhisker.

It was Shadedmoon's voice again.

Nutwhisker pricked his ears and searched around him for the grey she cat but he didn't see anything.

Nutwhisker, She whispered again. Go to the beach. Go now.

Nutwhisker blinked in confusion but didn't argue. He stood up and padded towards the camp entrance. Stormstar's voice called after him but he ignored it and left camp.

He reached the beach soon enough.

Nutwhisker took a few hesitant steps on the sand, a cold wind whipping around him. "Alright Shadedmoon. Now what?"

A sweet laugh sounded behind him and Nutwhisker spun around to see Shadedmoon standing right behind him. "It's Shadedstar now."

Nutwhisker nodded slowly, "Welcome back, Shadedstar. What brings you here?"

The grey she cat smiled genuinely, her yellow eyes glowing in the darkness of night. "I sensed you wanted some alone time. So I brought you here."

Nutwhisker frowned softly and glanced down at his paws. He fought back the tears and glanced back up at Shadedstar. "Nothing else?"

Shadedstar shrugged, "I also wanted to speak with you. I figured this would be the best place." Her fur ruffled in the wind as she took a step closer to Nutwhisker.

"Go on then." Nutwhisker meowed impatiently. He was glad that it was windy. It dried away the tears in his eyes. Hopefully Shadedstar wouldn't notice he was crying.

"First of all, stop holding back those tears. Jut let it go." Shadedstar ordered.

Nutwhisker was about to argue but he saw the seriousness in her eyes and he took a deep but shaky breath. He felt his defense wall shatter and his emotions rushed out of him. It didn't take long for the tears to fall. "Happy now?" Nutwhisker asked, his voice soft and shaky.

Shadedstar nodded approvingly. "Locking up all those feelings is bad for you. You must let them go every now and then, otherwise they keep building up until you can't control it."

Nutwhisker sighed softly, a small sob coming from him. "Now what?"

Shadedstar stepped closer and brushed her thick tail across Nutwhisker's cheek in a soothing way. "Now I want you to take a deep, strong breath and look up at me." Her voice was soft and gentle and it held a motherly tone to it. Nutwhisker's heart ached with longing.

After taking a deep breath of crisp night air, Nutwhisker turned his attention up at Shadedstar. "Okay."

Shadedstar stepped away, her eyes turning serious. "For a reason still unknown to me, I have been refused access into Starclan. So I have returned to the clan that once looked after me in hopes of being accepted temporarily."

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