The Rainbow Of Swans

1-Valentina Joyce

Ballet wasn't just a hobby to me. It wasn't just something I liked doing. No, all of those are understatements. It was what I lived for.

The smell of brand new pointe shoes tickle my nose every time. I will never get over how beautiful they look; their satin pink fabric decorated all around the box, with the long ribbons at the sides to be tied up. Very classical.

Once you slip the shoes on, you feel as if you can do anything. Even dancing to no music with nothing planned still seems graceful and magical. Your feet doing what they want, moving at varying speeds and patterns around the dance floor. Even the sound of the wooden boxes in pointe shoes hitting the floor makes me happy. The littlest things you can notice when you dance.

Before, when I was a young ballerina, I lived for the moment after being onstage. Running up to my family and them congratulating me. My dad would pick me up and spin me around in circles smiling like a fool "my little princess! my perfect little princess!" then my mom would kiss both of my cheeks, leaving her wine coloured lipstick on them. Every year I got a bouquet of flowers, each year getting a different type of flower. My first year I got orchards, the next tulips of many different colours. So on, and so forth. Then of course, being rewarded with ice cream after recital. Those times have past.

Now I live for the moment onstage. Feeling so brief yet so wonderful, no matter how many are onstage with you or if you are performing a solo. Many people don't understand how amazing it feels; having the stage lights hit you from all directions, hundreds and hundreds of observers in the audience that are easily impressed (most are parents, who won't know a thing about technique and clap for whatever they see ;) ). It feels as if once you hit the stage, you become a completely different person. In class, you are just another ballerina in a room with 50 others practicing the same variations. Onstage, you feel impeccable. Untouchable. Flawless. You don't even need to think of smiling the whole time because you already are from the feeling of the new floor under your toes. You know the variation inside and out, backwards and forwards, on the left and as well on the right. And you finally get to perform it to everyone. That's what I love.

I now train as a full time ballerina at the New York City Ballet Academy, amongst the best on earth. I'm 16 years old and in Grade 7 Classical Ballet. One of the youngest in my grade, which excites me. Its great doing what I truly love with no distractions, staying here 24/7 like everyone else.

Last week were the auditions for our annual Swan Lake ballet. Today, we learn the results.

All 237 ballerinas gathered in the small studio, all anxious with excitement. Most of the younger dancers will not get in since the ballet is so dark of a theme. Their beautiful young faces can't distribute pain and sorrow.

Every older girl wants to be Odette, The Swan Princess. Last year, Athena's sister, Luna played the part so beautifully. "She was born to play the role of Odette." Mr. Kinsmen said. He's our choreographer, who barely ever compliments someone on their performance unless they did a truly spectacular job. Luna hurt her leg really bad when she slipped and stepped on a shattered beer bottle. Her leg was operated on, and she can not dance for a long while. Poor thing, our best Odette ever.

Lorenzo, my best friend here squeezes my hand tightly. "Excited, aren't you?" He asks. I nod feeling a Cheshire Cat grin creep onto my face from the excitement. I feel like I was on a sugar rush. He laughs at me and says "just don't smile like that onstage, sweetness." I glare at him and stick my tongue out teasingly.

If you are wondering why I'm not speaking to Lorenzo, or anyone in that matter, I cannot. I was born mute. Without the ability to share my thoughts straight from my head without writing them down (which I gave up on quickly after too many hand cramps). Unlike every other bimbo ballerina here, nobody knows what is going on in my head. The closest to knowing is Lorenzo, since he's the one I hanged out with since day 1.

Surprisingly, considering his 'jerkish' attitude towards everyone else, he's very considerate of me. He understands how hard it is to show my feelings. By now he knows when I'm upset, ecstatic, annoyed, etc. He's the kind of person who would ask me if I needed anything at the store when he was going to go. After an ugly fight with my mom (which sadly, happened too often) he would be the one to wipe my tears. Never tell me "it's okay" or "don't cry please". He'd just let me cry and let it out. When I needed help he'd be the one sprinting to my side to help.

Lorenzo is more than just a best friend to me, he was like the older brother I never had.

The office secretary, Madame Clearly held 2 pink sheets in her hands. The roles. Everyone spun their heads towards her as she pinned them up on the wall. All the ballerinas inched closer and closer to her to see firsthand what part they got, if they have made it.

When Madame left everyone ran towards the wall to see. Excited murmurs were soon silent, almost with disgust. "What is this?" Someone asked confused. The casting list, right? "A red swan? You have to be kidding!"

As more and more dancers disappeared me and Lorenzo got closer to the wall.

And what we could already see was horrible. What was Mr. Kinsman thinking?