Only Shadows

Chapter 20, Part 2

"Not sure if that was good or bad timing."

"Bit of both. I'd have to return later if I hadn't gotten the money before you picked me up, and who knows if he'd still have it then? Plus, I'm tired of living on bakery shop cast-offs."

"That's what you've been eating?"

"This week, mostly. Sometimes I wash dishes at the truck stop and they make me some food. Gotta be late since the owner doesn't know."

"Oh my god," James said, releasing a breath. A wave of nausea washed over him. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

Austin dropped his gaze. "Didn't want you to think less of me."

"Why would I?" James gripped his hand harder. Here he'd been worried that Austin would skip town, picking up on the fact that James wanted something more. Meanwhile, Austin was worried about where he'd get his next meal and if his only friend would be disgusted by him if he knew he was practically homeless. "Why'd they make you leave?"

Austin pulled back. He hesitated before asking, "What do you know about the Amish?"

"Just some basic stuff from school. No power. Lots of rules. They make cheese and furniture."

Austin snorted. "Sort of. Our community is closed. It's pretty strict. We're supposed to be God's children, above the temptations of the modern world and all that...."

"And?" James prompted him.

"And it's pretty fucked up. Least my community was." He wrapped both arms around his knees. "My sister's husband found out I liked boys and assaulted me. I fought back."

James sucked in a breath. He reached out and grabbed Austin's hand again, holding tight. He could still feel him trembling. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want."

"I want you to know. I'm tired of running," he mumbled. He brushed a spider off his leg and took a deep breath. "I was resting in the shade behind their house. We were still building it since they'd only been married a year. Anyway, Micah found me there midday, all alone. Everyone else was resting inside or preparing lunch. He cornered me, pushed me down, and tried to force me to kiss him. Eventually, my sister Abigail came looking for us and saw him on top of me. Somehow he convinced her it was my fault."

"How? You don't deserve this." James said, his jaw clenched, anger flaring.

He shook his head. "Honestly? I was lucky in a way. He didn't get very far because of how much I struggled. Mostly I was terrified." He raised his head and met James's eyes. "I think he liked it, that I fought. The look in his eyes... I'll never forget it."

James slid closer and wrapped his arms around Austin, who stiffened before relaxing into his embrace and resting his head on James's shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry. I'd ask if you're okay, but that seems like a stupid question."

"Everything just happened all at once. I hate Abigail and worry about her at the same time if that even makes sense," he said, voice muffled.

"It does." James held him tighter, trying to quell his shaking.

"And I miss my family, even though I kinda hate them." He lifted his head and swiped at his eyes. "But it's almost like I've been too busy trying to survive the past couple years to be traumatized."

"Jesus. And I thought I had it bad because I never knew my mother and my Dad's abusive."

"It's not a competition, you know. We were both dealt shitty hands."

"You're right." James whispered. He brushed his thumb against Austin's cheekbone, wiping away a tear. "I really don't understand how your sister could have believed him."